During narcissistic abuse recovery, I have learned the people who are the most toxic and do not know how to love are often the ones who paint a picture that I am hard to love. Now I am not saying I am anywhere near perfect, but I am human and humans are easy to love when they find someone who appreciates who they are. Question the humanity or motives of anyone who tries to make you feel like you are hard to love.
One of my dogs had emergency surgery last week and I was faced with loving and caring for a little creature who taught me how to love. Before I had a dog, I had never experienced anyone giving me more love in return for my emotional investment. I was raised by narcissists and surrounded by them in the adult industry and that has made up 75% of my life. So rarely did I have the opportunity to love and emotionally invest in someone who could return the favor.
Rescue dogs are the best medicine for anyone in recovery from narcissistic abuse. My heart was shocked alive when I adopted my first rescue dog and with my second rescue dog my heart was pushed to limits I never imagined. People hide behind masks with ulterior motives, but dogs show you who they are unapologetically and without doubt.
My dogs have taught me I am not hard to love and neither are you.
In this modern world filled with toxic people, stressful environments, poisonous food, and damaging social norms, it is impossible to avoid all the chemical stressors that our bodies and minds encounter on a regular basis. Finding ways to lower our toxic load is something everyone should do to benefit their body. Modern life is about handling these stressors and limiting our exposure whenever possible.
The niacin and sauna detox is simply taking niacin, using a sauna, and taking a binding agent. Nothing crazy difficult or too out of the ordinary. Plus, it is used by firefighters to detox from the heavy metals and other toxins they are exposed to. I discovered this detox protocol in the Spring of 2017 and have been using it on and off ever since.
It was easy to start small and take a niacin before taking a detox bath at home. This is how I tested it out and I found great results from just this alone. Detoxing does not have to be drastic. It is about the little changes and tweaks you make to your routine that will have long-term effects over time.
When I moved to Southern Arizona in December of 2018, I decided to do the niacin and sauna detox 5-7 days a week. It is now March and I have completed 90 days. The results have been amazing. I no longer deal with as many aches and pains. My autoimmune responses are slowly dissipating to be a thing of the past. My hair and skin are soft with a natural shine. The benefits are are overwhelmingly numerous.
However, the biggest perk has been the prioritizing of time spent alone with my thoughts. Sitting in a sauna for 60-90mins a day on a regular basis has given me the gift of time with myself. I have never been able to meditate this long, but when I sit in a sauna I feel a sense of accomplishment. I do not get this sense of accomplishment with regular meditation. Yes, I am sitting with myself and my thoughts, but I am also getting something practical done in the 3D world to benefit my health.
Many people think they can learn about narcissism and this alone will constitute their healing journey. Unfortunately this is not true. Narcissistic abuse recovery is a holistic journey of healing, encompassing all aspects of your life. There is not one book or blog post that will be the solution to all your problems. Just as there is not one single yoga pose that will enable you to gain total physical fitness. Life is about variety and approaching issues and goals from a variety of different angles.
Until I started to view narcissistic abuse recovery as multi-dimensional, I was drowning in information without the ability to find traction in my life. Healing is a journey involving all aspects of your physical, mental, and spiritual health. Reading a few books and going to the gym is not going to get you the results you desire. Implementing small changes in multiple aspects of your life is the best way to holistically heal from anything.
Narcissistic abuse is no different than healing from a physical illness. Sure you can learn everything intellectually possible about cluster b personality disorders, but if you continue to hold onto hate and fuel your body with sub par nutrition you will become just as toxic as a narcissist. Truly learning that living well is the best revenge takes embodying commitment, focus, and a willingness to change. Living differently is how we heal from the toxic patterns we have become accustomed to. If the way we had been living had worked for us, we would not have found narcissistic abuse uncomfortable and toxic.
Healing is a multifaceted journey with many layers. After living in the black and white world of narcissistic abuse, prepare to live in Technicolor.
If you share this philosophy of holistic healing as the goal of narcissistic abuse recovery, I would love to work with you!
Narcissist do not just abuse people, they wage an energetic war on our body, mind, spirit, and life force. Recently, I have been messaged by many people who feel severing contact from all toxic people in their life is extreme and unnecessary. This is understandable, because it is a drastic measure and often includes cutting most people out of your life.
The fear of being alone is at the root of thinking no contact with all toxic people is extreme. Why in the world do you not deserve to have all healthy respectful people in your life? Is it because it would be a completely new paradigm? People who experience narcissistic abuse have experienced energetic warfare since before they can remember(and before their birth). When we are born to toxic people, who groom us to be in narcissistic abusive relationships as adults, we do not know what it is like to have a healthy energy body(Read How Narcissists Use Energetic Cords-Spiritual Warfare here).
Eckhart Tolle speaks often of how humans live out of their pain body. Well, healing your energetic body goes hand in hand with healing your pain body and becoming present in the moment. Most people have never experienced their own energy untainted by others. It takes months to remove all the energetic hooks and cords that have been inserted into our energetic body throughout our lifetime. Most people are completely unaware of the energy play that cluster b personalities use.
Without a connection to source energy, cluster b personality disorders are energetic vampires who are always in fear of energetically drowning. Thus, every time we interact with a toxic person our energetic body is injured. After a lifetime of having our life source energy stolen and siphoned, most people have no clue how powerful their own life force energy truly is.
When someone says they do not believe cutting all the toxic people out of their life is necessary for their recovery, they are basically saying they do not deserve all nontoxic interactions. We all deserve to be treated fairly and not be preyed upon. Until you can say this for yourself, you are not ready to recover.
Have you recently been diagnosed with Complex PTSD or have you been researching your symptoms online and wonder where this rabbit hole will lead you? Check out my post on the signs and symptoms of CPTSD here.
Complex PTSD is not something that is well known, even in the mental health industry. This disorder plagues people who have encountered narcissistic abuse and trauma. If you do not learn to manage and minimize the symptoms associated with CPTSD you will be bound to a BPD like life. This was enough to scare me straight after experiencing the wrath of BPD trauma filled individuals my whole life. Recovery is the divider between personality disorders and survivors. Cluster b personality disorders stem from trauma, so you have seen your future if you choose to skip this step.
The journey to recovery is far from simple, but it is manageable if you break it down into steps. These are the steps that helped me make progress without overwhelming my body and mind with uncontrollable anxiety and igniting my fight or flight response. Your body and mind want to heal, you just have to give it the right tools.
Arm yourself with knowledge about cluster b personality disorders-know thy enemy
Identify your root wound and original abuser-you were groomed by someone in childhood to accept these kind of people and ignore the red flags
Identify the toxic people in your life currently-find the red flags you have been ignoring and the people who make you feel uneasy, bad, guilty, unworthy, less-than, etc
Go No Contact with all the toxic people in your life-use the Grey Rock technique when you cannot go No Contact
Find a knowledgeable counselor, coach, or friend who is familiar with narcissistic abuse and recovery
Let the healing journey begin and be patient with yourself-healing is not a linear process
The shock of realizing that your whole life has been preparing and grooming you to be a pawn for cluster b personality disorders to use is a heavy reality to swallow. However, feeling sorry for yourself will not help your healing journey or recovery. Realize you are human and this is apart of your evolution. The real tragedy would be to continue to live in the dark as a pawn for toxic people and become toxic yourself.