I have thought for days on how to describe all the transition I have gone through in a simple little blog post, but I cannot. So here are the bullet points about 2014:
I started the year with stripping and sugar in Oregon.
I had two SDs by Summer, whom I enjoyed.
By summer I was making enough money that stripping stopping being so appealing. I started dancing less frequently, but was making more than I ever did stripping.
Near the end of Summer, I agreed to A1’s arrangement and to give up stripping. He compensated me for this stipulation of our verbal agreement/arrangement. However, he knew he was signing up to be one of two men.
Mr. Utah was all over the place, frivolous, and unpredictable. Yet, educated and intelligent as well. We met in Spring in Las Vegas.
I spent a few months going between A1 in Portland, to Eugene where I lived, to Vegas where I wanted to live, to Park City Utah where Mr Utah lived, and on vacations as well. I was happy with all the changes and variety I encountered throughout the month. It was planned and logical, unlike the strip club. The fast lane was a nice pace to get to relax in.
Dec. 1 My arrangement with Mr Utah ended, it had been months since I had seen him in person.
Dec 1 I started seeing A1 exclusively and this was the first time I had ever been monogamous in sugar before. Let the games of being a recovering stripper begin!
There is my story of transition in a nutshell. I gave up a little piece of my freedom and myself at a time for not enough in exchange in many instances. Never forget the power of being a woman and an emotional creature.
It has been a year since I published my first book, “So You Got New Boobs Now What?” After my second book, “A Decade on a Pole”, I have been taking time off to simmer on life. Of course, I came up with book three concept and manifestation while simmering, but doing absolutely nothing is not my strong suit.
After a career of rushing, deadlines, pressure, stress, traveling, exercise, and embodying sexuality and superficial appearances; multitasking is kind of my thing. I do not know how not to work, but I am really good at working in unconventional ways. So while I find more ways to work and distract myself from writing, check out my book “A Decade on a Pole.”
This book is an inside look into what it is like to be a strip club dancer. What are the emotions, thoughts, and strategies used to survive the adult industry and sex work?
Well, here I am your window into a strip club dancer!
I woke up this morning started some laundry, made coffee and my bed, took niacin, and grabbed my laptop. Now, here I sit on my yoga mat. This is a typical morning at home for me. I live alone with my two dogs in a house by a golf course in the desert(golf starts early). Many people see alone as a bad thing, but I have been surrounded by strangers for the majority of my adult life. So, this is a nice change of pace.
The boundaries I have created include a manned gate to my house and even more gates to my heart. Not many understand my need for privacy. Feeling naked to the world is not something that only sex workers and/or strippers feel. It is the feeling of going out of your comfort zone to be the most raw version of yourself. This is what I felt every night I went to work as a stripper. Naked to the world, literally and figuratively, and on display for the enjoyment of others. However, being able to tolerate the feeling of being naked and on display outside of the strip club industry is a bit more of a challenge.
The Me Too movement has been an eye-opening experience for many people. After a career in the adult industry, I could write a novel on assault, abuse, and patriarchal male entitlement. However, just because I retired I am still not retired from dealing with the shit men pull or try to pull. The sad part is most of them do not even realize what they are doing.
Social media is something I have been actively focusing on. Well with growth comes new people/men. I hate social media for work because of the stupid comments made mostly by men. For something that was made for fun, being social on social media is far from fun. The most common comment I hate is, “But you still look good.”
First of all, I did not stop stripping because I suddenly got fat and ugly.
Just because I was a sex worker who retired does not mean I have lost my sexuality.
I am under no obligation to put on my warpaint(makeup) to be appealing to the average man.
Why would I want to get all made up for social media(which is free) when I spent a decade in black lights fake as a wedding cake for a job?
Who the fuck are these men to comment on my career decision-making?
Even till this day men, their entitlement issues, and inferiority complexes are something I have to bypass in order to succeed. I did avoid the abusive patriarchy by avoiding public social media and the general public for the first couple years after I retired from stripping. However, I am tired of isolating myself so I no longer have to deal with entitled men. It is time to live like females rule the world.
Close your legs and open your hand, nothing in this life is free!
This morning, I woke up with many things on my mind. Thinking too much is one of my favorite past times, but sometimes I have light bulb moments that make the sleepless nights worthwhile. Today was one of those moments.
In my transition from stripper/sugar baby to “real life”, there have been way too many things to observe and analyze about myself, my life, my lifestyle, and society. However, this morning I had a break through. I always ask myself why I was a successful sex worker? Why was it the career I kept the longest and still look back on with fond memories? (Yes, I did work in corporate America before I entered the adult industry.)
It all comes down to my emotions and childhood. I know we are all thinking Daddy issues right? The funny part is I learned emotional work from my Mother. She taught me not to expect it out of men and rarely from herself. If I wanted to have a meaningful relationship with her I had to make up for her emotional shortcomings from a very young age.
Growing up in a Communist culture in a Capitalist society in small town Oregon was full of dysfunctions that gave me the desire to get away. And also prepared me with the skill set to be successful in the adult industry.