Being upset the past few days has ruined my week of work. If I cannot smile about the men in my life who do not pay me, it is very difficult to fake admiration with strangers. Strangers who pay me, while drinking, to crawl on their laps naked and make them feel like a King. What a weird reality! By now it is normal for me. It is other people who have a difficult time dealing with my reality, that is a fantasy.
Sometimes my fantasy has more clear boundaries then the so called real world!
I got The Talk last night about my job from the new boy. He was quick to the draw, but good at being understanding while still pulling out emotional manipulation. I was taken aback beyond belief.
This reoccurring conversation is the reason I avoid traditional relationships. Men always say they can handle my job at first, but when it comes down to it they make demands in an effort to compromise for their own feelings. Then it becomes my job to not only do my job, but also make them comfortable with it. When all along they knew what they were getting into.
In the past I have given up work to be available during the evening for men. However, there was always a financial compromise in the past for me missing work.
No compromise … No missing work!
Depending on regular customers is a comfortable trap I fall into too often. A regular who will make your night or get you on a role is comfortable. It is the whole goal of dancing!
The more regular customers you have and enjoy, the easier this job will be. It sounds extremely simple, but in actuality it is quite the complex equation.
Good hearted people are few and far between…
Especially in a strip club!
Still, I do not understand men who spend more money then a private dance on drinks for me. I know they have alternative motives. All I can do is smile and drink through it while taking their money. With hopes that it will be enough to conclude my night of work or I will find another quick catch to make my night.
Well there was no other fish to catch tonight, but I tried. Some nights just trying is more then enough.
When I stay in Salem, I do not get phone service where I stay. Therefore, I went to the store to find my solution : pen and paper.
I will catch up as soon as possible!
P.S. Thank you to the dancer who recently reminded me weird and creepy are always relative. After years in the industry, it is hard to top what we have already seen and experienced!