My realization of the night hit me smack in the face as I scrolled through my text messages. I have become extremely emotionally unavailable just like the people I have surrounded myself with for years in the strip club industry and also in the sugar world.
I have ensured that no one can cause havoc on my emotions, thus alienating people. My tendency to keep people at arms distance keeps my real friends few and far between.
I value them beyond words.
I create the path in life I walk as I live it. Not many people can fathom living like this, but even fewer can relate. There is no one there by my side to aid in decisions and/or manifesting my dreams. I have written my blog for almost three years now and my family has not even read it(ignorance is bliss). They have been a barrier more than a stepping stone in my life. Their questions remain black and white, but still contain dollar signs.
Recently, talking with my Mother made me realize just how misunderstood I am within my large extended family. I told her just because I have not been to the strip clubs to work does not mean I have not been working. Somehow she has the inability to understand.
Even after all this, dollar signs have always had a way of being worked into her interrogations. Ever since her divorce from my Father money has been all she spoke of to me. Her fear of being poor and not having enough is really wearing on me and my positive feelings of abundance.
I live in abundance and not an abundance of bills or responsibilities.
“People think being alone makes you lonely, but I don’t think that’s true. Being surrounded by the wrong people is the loneliest thing in the world.”
Being a sexuality consultant is more difficult then I imagined it to be. It is more work than being a sugar baby, but perhaps that is because it is new to me. The screening process alone is aggravating and very time consuming. No way do I want to meet everyone that emails me. Some people lack even the knowledge and grace to speak of their own sexuality, let alone without trying to involve my own sexuality. It is eye opening to see how lost some people in the “real” world really are.
Realizations about sexual desire, human needs, and what we value as a society have been plaguing me.
If you would like to schedule a consultation message me on Facebook. Consultations are done in person, by phone, video chat, or even email. Let’s fix what’s plaguing your sexuality, it is an investment in your happiness. Sexuality is a basic human need!
Since I have not been busy with stripping, traveling, or sugaring, I have more time on my hands then ever before in my adult life. True my income has taken a dramatic dive, but I feel closer to happiness then I have in a very long time. I make more time for what is important, even if it is not profitable now.
A perfect example is tomorrow I will be babysitting a friends two children while he works. Never before would I have done this, on a Saturday especially! These are the priceless moments I have been missing in life for years.
Last week, I got the opportunity to stay with one of my best girlfriends and we had a simple slumber party. She is going through great changes in her life and it felt good to be there for her, like she has been there for me. True, I gave up seeing an industry friend in town from California, but we all must have our priorities straight!
Being there for friends is an important aspect in life. It may not always be the most income producing endeavor, but it is always the most profitable.