Month: June 2013

What Do I Really Want?!?

What do I really want?!?

This question has been plaguing me for months now. At the beginning of  the year I was not working in a strip club, I was being a lazy SB and not really doing much. However, the stress in my life since I came back to dancing has been unreal. It is not just the dancing part, but the working at a new club in my hometown that adds to the abundance of stress. Thus, dancing has began to rule my life again. This is not something I enjoy in town anymore, but it is easier than being away from home and my own bed.

Dancing is the closest thing to a steady real job I have had in years. Yes, I freelance write(Adult Quest Magazine & Sugar Matchmaking) and write this blog, but that is nowhere near the kind of money I am used to and not even enough to pay all my bills. My financial equation has changed since I went back to dancing. Most of my money comes from dancing, a small part from sugar, and even a smaller part from writing. This is not a comfortable place to be.

When I was a lazy SB early this year I had the time and energy to write more and manifest my dreams. Dancing reminds me of the past and so many bad habits I had to break when I stopped living that lifestyle. Well, now that I am working back in town I am living the lifestyle and I really do not see too many career perks to offset the time I am taking away from manifesting my dreams of writing and being a trophy wife to a man I adore, who supports my dreams.

Not being emotional about going back to dancing has been a large challenge. It feels like a step backwards. However, it is nice to know I still “have it” so to speak. I rarely go to the gym anymore, but I am in better shape than I was earlier this years when I obsessed over it. Shape is the key word, not health. Being around alcohol, drugs, and unhealthy people at the strip club is difficult. At least most SDs care about their health or will support you in caring about your own. Strip club customers rarely suggest anything healthy.

The moral to this story is:  It took me going back to dancing in small town Oregon to realize how sweet the sugar world truly is!



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