Month: October 2014

Things Better Left Unsaid

I stopped in Utah last month on my way home from Vegas. A very short trip to see Mr. Utah and meet a sugar baby who lives there. Being social is one of the few things that makes traveling alone easier on the heart and soul. We are all human and humans are not meant to be alone, as a girlfriend in Eugene always reminds me.

Even though it was a very short trip, I learned a lot and had a great time. Mr Utah was busy with work as usual so I rented some happiness with a spa day and a convertible Mustang. When I checked into the hotel and I had my own room, it reinforced the suspicion that I am merely a secret play toy he keeps on retainer for entertainment. Which as a former stripper I am used to.

When you find someone who makes you laugh and smile till your face hurts sometimes it is just easier to remind yourself it is what it is.

Drink in the moments when you are with them.



Stop Blogging?!?

Why did I stop writing and blogging? This has been a question I have been asking myself over and over. My last visit to see Mr Utah and when I stopped writing coincide. He confessed to finding my blog and reading it. Thus, explaining some of our poor communication and jealousy issues. I was in the dark, so this helped to enlighten me on the past few months.

We only see each other a few times a year. Perhaps this is all it will ever be, which is still great and filled with smiles and laughter. However, I have learned that not partaking in my passion of writing makes me emotionally unhealthy. Writing is how I process my feelings on life. My life is odd so sometimes writing down the unreal makes it seem more realistic, even if few can relate.

Writing is my passion. Never let someone steer you away from your own passion out of fear and/or blind hope.





Here I sit on the couch in jeans drinking iced tea. I just need out. After surgery I am going nuts! Cabin Fever has set in. Never have I had an unnecessary surgery before. The pain will all be worth it! As my grandmother used to tell me, “Beauty is Pain.”


“With plastic surgery, the general anesthetic is like a black-velvety sleep, and that’s what death is – without waking up to someone clapping and going, ‘Joan, wake up, it’s all over and you’re looking pretty’.”
Joan Rivers


New Boobs

The past week has been one of the most stressful weeks in years. I had breast augmentation sugery on Tuesday, between the unknown and pain I was beyond overwhelmed. Rarely am I one to be so vulnerable in front of others. However, this decision made showing emotions in front of others inevitable.

Also, this gave me the amazing opportunity to witness others true colors. There were some people who really surprised me. Not all were pleasant surprisees, but valuable nonetheless. I am quickly learning location does not really matter with real friends or important people in your life.

My sugar girlfriends have been the most supportive and helpful throughout this past week. Even though some of them are literally half way across the globe, distance is relative. They can fathom and understand what it is like to make big decisions on your own.

Independence cannot be explained it has to experienced.



‘I truly believe that women should be financially independent from their men. And let’s face it, money gives men the power to run the show. It gives men the power to define value. They define what’s sexy. And men define what’s feminine. It’s ridiculous.’
~Beyonce Knowles

Strip Club Journals Unbound- Transactions

Throughout my career as a stripper, I had the opportunity to meet potential sugar daddies, in the form of strip club customers, daily. However, I did not realize this opportunity for a couple years. I had to learn to see past the transactional world the strip club industry is. The adut industry breeds and engrains transactions in every movement within the strip club for both strippers and customers. Walk into a strip club to work: house fee. Walk to the bar for a quick breather and drink: bar tab. Vip dance: house fee on the dance. The environment breeds transaction.

It is difficult to separate the transactional world of the strip club and the “real world”. The two provide for a very slippery slope with personal boundaries. Realizing that when you give dances at work for a man it may be more profitable then making dinner for a friend and/or family member in your personal life. However, there is the priceless human factor that no one warns you about.

The human factor does exist in sugar dating with few transactions. These few transactions are agreed upon in the beginning of an arrangement/relationship. The ideal sugar arrangement is when the transactions are not discussed often and both parties just let it naturally flow. Spoiling someone you care for is a natural human tendency. In sugar dating the minimum is spelled out for both parties from the very beginning, and the rest just blossoms like any other relationship.

Opportunity is also another non-transactional factor within the adult industry. Networking is priceless, the world today is more about who you know than what you know. And pursuing your dreams and passion is a rare opportunity. Luck is just opportunity meeting prepration. We all make our own luck and our own money in the adult industy. What we do with these two things is what separates who uses the adult industry as a stepping stone, rather than a means to an end.

Money cannot buy Everything. It does make life extremely more pleasant, but it can be lonely. I still have these moments as a sugar baby, even without working in a strip club any longer. Lonely moments in different cities where I am left with things only money can buy. Especially this past year with all my solo travels. Counting money and remembering my goals keeps me grounded and on track. There are so many things that could be a distraction from the big picture and turn my world back into the transactional world I am still escaping.


“Content is power in today’s world, and if you can own that content, create it and make interaction more of an experience than a transaction, you create a different kind of loyalty.”
~Mindy Grossman


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