Yesterday, I made the drive down I-5 and made a pit stop at the strip club in Salem where I used to work. It was a slow Sunday night. There was nothing exciting in the whole club and very few customers. There was absolutely no excitement in the air. Just the despair of lonely customers and holiday/money stressed strippers.
The darkness did not hide how much I do not miss the whole experience of being a stripper. I love to dance and do miss being on stage. However, I do not miss making small talk with strangers in hopes that they will spend money on private dances(allowing me to get naked on their lap for money). Regular customers are much like SDs, try to depend on them too much and they disappear. There is no real security or guarantees in stripping, it is merely a gamble that is decided by the odds and the gods.
The stress of working in this kind of sales based environment is great and after time it can be draining. Draining enough it makes it just not worth it. This is where I am currently. I know the extra money would be nice, but it would dent my daily happiness and well being.
There comes a time when happiness outweighs more money.
“If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.”
It has been five weeks since I had plastic surgery and I still do not feel all the way recovered. This process has been a lot more time consuming then I ever expected, but I hope that it is all worth it in the end! I have been in Oregon for over the past month, but I am finally cleared and ready to travel.
Tomorrow morning, I am off to Cabo. What a holiday! It seems amazingly surreal. I need some sun and beaches in my life. When I come home after a week, I hope to be refreshed from all the stress that plastic surgery and recovery enduced. Plus, I would like to prepare for the AVN awards(Jan in Vegas) in a calm and focused manner. This is an important moment in my life and career.
We all only have a few moments in a lifetime!
I need to find my purpose and home. Living in so many different places is difficult in many ways: friends are hard to keep in touch with, matching clothes are in different states, focus is easily lost on the big picture when the small picture is changing so quickly. To top it all off, I am still adjusting to not stripping any longer. Not working is difficult!
Yes, I was finished with stripping because it no longer made me happy. But now that I have taken a break from it. I almost feel like it is my responsibility to go back to stripping and get as much money out of being labeled a stripper for life as possible. Yet, there is another part of me that wants to leave stripping in the past. Therefore, logically I would focus on sugar more.
What to do when you get what you wished for?
“They continue in pursuit of the ideal female companion. They desire a woman who is feminine, beautiful, and skilled at understanding a man and his needs, while also being accomplished and independent, without being contentious. They want a woman who has mastered the delicate balance between being supportive and attentive in one moment and being decisive and independent in another.” ~The Geisha Secret