Month: December 2014

Christmas In Palm Springs

imageThis Christmas SDBF and I spent in Palm Springs, California. We took my new puppy on his first airplane ride and vacation. I enjoyed seeing him travel and the lifestyle he will become accustomed to. Much like I will become accustomed to the lifestyle I have chosen. Calming down my lifestyle has been an extremely rough transition. Now my security is greater than just financial, which is different. However, the change is not as easy as some would think. Change is never easy. Even when it is the right thing to do and preparations have been made. There will always be the instances/moments in which the urge to run back to my comfort zone surface. Comfort is relative just as reality is relative.

Happy Holidays and may 2015 be amazing for everyone!



“Grief is perhaps an unknown territory for you. You might feel both helpless and hopeless without a sense of a ‘map’ for the journey. Confusion is the hallmark of a transition. To rebuild both your inner and outer world is a major project.” ~Anne Grant


Happiness Is Worth More

After mourning(for almost a month), all the different things I have sacrificed to be a Spoiled girlfriend(sugar and stripping). It all hit me like a ton of bright red bricks.  Finally, I came to terms with the fact that I am blessed to get to frivolously indulge in my heart. This is something I gave up for so many years. The thought of giving into emotions seems illogical and uneducated. However, I am learning not all of life is logical. The longer I live the more the basics come into play!

What good is money when you lay in bed alone every night before going to sleep, only to wake up to coldness. Remembering the little daily things that I never had, but dreamed of just may be priceless.



“The only creatures that are evolved enough to convey pure love are dogs and infants.” ~Johnny Depp


Transition: Tips To A Fixed Income

The transition to being a spoiled girlfriend and having a SDBF(Sugar Daddy-Boyfriend) has included some compromises that entailed my annual cash income becoming a fixed monthly amount. Even before I left Corporate America to enter the adult industry through the doors of a strip club and into the black lights, I worked in jobs that had commission options on top of salary or hourly. So, I have noticed my lack of drive snowballing. No matter how good I look, no matter how well I charm employees at a business event, no matter how much I clean or cook, None of these things will improve my income. Yes, I enjoy picking up the house because I stay in the house, but what is the point of it all. There is no excitement of reaching short term financial goals or even the opportunity. I am taken care of in my daily needs/reasonable wants and bills, but I am not gaining the momentum toward my future as I am accustomed to. Sugar is about preparing for our futures. Yet, I have one foot in the traditional live in relationship. Which is something that is brought up every time I bring up security. It seems like if I want this to work I will have to define a career outside of the adult industry(so I do not have to lie about what I do for a career in public with SDBF). This is the toughest part of my transition out of the strip club. I am learning that people will still assume the worst about any woman who used the objectification of women as a stepping stone to level the playing field of American society.



“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched – they must be felt with the heart.” ~Helen Keller

My new PUPPY!! <3
My new PUPPY!! <3

New Year & New Transitions-Strip Club Journals Unbound

Transitions, new beginnings, and the new year all go hand in hand. Everyone buzzes about and questions the transition of entering the adult industry. However, rarely is the transition of exiting the adult industry discussed(unless it is a train wreck society enjoys stereotyping all strippers as). The corporate world focuses on retirement and exiting the work force. Why assume the same goals do not apply to people in the adult industry?

This past year, I have been in the transition of exiting the strip club scene. At times in my career I did love being a stripper and I adore all the options and opportunities it has provided to date. However, knowing my career window is coming to an end and at the same time knowing I gave up something I have worked hard to succeed at is very difficult. No one ever explained that everyone’s exit strategy out of the adult industry is different. Much like a professional sports career, it is a career but it has a window with a time frame. What do you do when you out grow your career?

Change is the only option and transition is inevitable. Learning how to adapt to an ordinary lifestyle is half the battle. Being in the adult entertainment industry changes your whole life. Work becomes the main priority, because there is a time frame. Sleeping at night. Waking up in the morning, rather than just going to bed. Grocery shopping and cooking rather then eating out everyday. Exercising more because stripping is exercise. Remembering your identity besides being a stripper(yet coming to terms with the fact that society as a whole will always see you as a stripper). Only being seen naked by someone you are in a relationship with. No longer wearing a bikini on rainy days. Setting goals that do not include dollar signs and instant gratification by the end of the night. And realizing there is a whole world outside the industry are just a few of the obstacles that one must overcome when exiting the adult industry. It was not easy to enter the industry, however leaving the industry completely behind is impossible.

The industry changes everyone differently. From my experience, I am learning to live by my heart rather then my bank account balance. Yes, I must have my needs and wants taken care of and have security. But for years I turned off my heart for the sake of my bank account balance. Now, I realize how priceless emotions are. Yes, emotions are scary and the adult industry is not a place to take your heart. However, years of pushing the pause button on my heart has made me value the ability/opportunity to even take my feelings into account, let alone show them genuinely.

Exiting the adult industry is a difficult challenge to pull off with grace and only a few can relate. Exiting on your own terms is the goal that brings all strippers together. No stripper says, “I want to leave all this behind only to carry a monkey on my back away with me,” or “I want to be forced out of the industry due to the damage children do to a woman’s body.” The decisions we make along the way throughout our career help to shape our exit strategy.

Thinking big picture is a must for everyone in the adult industry.


“A lot of people resist transition and therefore never allow themselves to enjoy who they are. Embrace the change, no matter what it is; once you do, you can learn about the new world you’re in and take advantage of it.”
Nikki Giovanni


Spoiled Girlfriend

After a year of transition, I am ready to settle down and enjoy the fruits of my labor. Years of working on writing are finally paying off with opportunities that stripping never offered. Which is an amazing feeling in itself, but still scary and new as well. Also, I find myself taking risks in my personal life more. It pays off in my career to take risks. Therefore, I am learning that it also pays off in my personal life.

This month marks the beginning of something large in my life. A change I did not think I would ever encounter in my lifetime. I am now a spoiled girlfriend with just one relationship/arrangement. A relationship which includes feelings, honesty, and loyalty. This relationship grew past sugar and into what it is now in a very short period of time. However, we communicate and are open about our needs so that we each feel like our relationship is a working partnership. It is nice to feel something in a relationship and actually get to feel it and not have to just brush it off.

Now I understand why corporations downsize. Morale of those elite left behind is shockingly amazing.


“You don’t develop courage by being happy in your relationships everyday. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity.”

Cabo Thanksgiving 2014

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