Month: February 2015

Haywood Lesson #224

Haywood February 2015

As I make my way through this journey of transition, I have adopted a little partner in crime who helps me to see the world from a new perspective. Everyday I learn something new from this little creature. The day(at the pound) when he arrived in my life he saved my heart more than I saved him.
Unconditional love is priceless and rewarding beyond my experience. Today, I learned the importance of play from Haywood.  As he ran on a treadmill at the gym it hit me like a concrete wall, play is important for not only dogs but humans as well.
After being in the adult industry for years my definition of play had changed.  I forgot how to play in a sense and intertwined play with work. Only allowing myself the opportunity to play wholeheartedly when I disconnected from everything in the woods in Oregon, on rare occasions.  Being an entertainer made me forget how to be entertained around others without being the center of attention or life of the party. Putting on my war paint became a metaphorical and physical change within.
No longer do I have to live with this disconnect. However, now I must reconnect and learn to play just for the sake of play.


What I Have Not Talked About Lately: Sugar


The sugar bowl is rough on everyone’s heart and soul. I have not written about it much lately because I thought I was beyond this point in my relationship. Well, beginnings always seem to resurface as well as insecurities and general differences in lifestyle. I love being with just one person, yes it is very different. However, it is a pleasant change,

Working to make a sugar relationship a somewhat traditional relationship is a difficult process which takes two to make it work. The sacrifices I have made to be here are huge, but the payoff is worth it. Having someone loving and accepting to be there for me no matter what I have done or do for work.

Sometimes sacrifices are not seen and it is hurtful.



“We just can’t shake monogamy. It definitely demands a kind of rigor and discipline and selflessness. But it’s also fun.” ~Claire Danes

Las Vegas Vacation/Work Trip Stress

Cabo 2014 Thanksgiving Sunset Playa Grande
Cabo 2014 Thanksgiving Sunset at Playa Grande


Normally, people think traveling and associate it quickly with leisure, relaxing, and sight-seeing. Well in my world, I travel often, but only occasionally take a purely leisure trip. Yes, I love the ability to travel which my career allows. However, I would love to take more leisure trips then work trip this year after so much traveling on my own last year. Yes, perhaps this is an unrealistic expectation and an occupational hazard.

Work in the adult industry has allowed me to see so much of the country and a little of the world. Perhaps, the travel bug I was born with has finally fully emerged and I am afraid to set it aside for fear of missing out on the world. Yet, I have the desire to have a career and a retirement plan. Yes, these are all first world problems and I know they seem very minute to the average American. However, I have given up so much to embody the life I have created. I have given up marriage, children, having a partner in life, unconditional love, and real life for many years to survive in the adult industry(I have to preface that not everyone gives up as much as I did, but the adult industry, stripping, and all the different opportunities and niches took top priority in my life).

After making the jump into stripping and realizing that there was no turning back I wanted to make the most of it as possible with the resources I had being just a small town middle class girl at heart. I had no clue what I had done when I entered the black lights and the strip club. Little did I know I had just entered the adult industry and my world would be forever changed. Not always for the best, but every career has its pros and cons.

Some decisions we make never thinking it may be one of the most impactful decisions in our life.



“Sometimes it’s the smallest decisions that can change your life forever.” ~Keri Russell


P.S. Vegas bound Saturday, wish me luck on acting carefree and having a good time.

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