Last Fall, I had to go to the DC area to meet my partner’s parents. It was a good first trip. His parents were on their best behavior, speaking English, and being the “normal” traditional Korean American parents. During this first trip, my partner’s Mother invited us back for Thanksgiving. Well, being the small town girl I am at heart, I accepted her invitation. Little did I know, their true colors would really come out during the holidays.
We arrive for Thanksgiving and everything was okay for a couple of days. They speak Korean, read Korean newspapers, and watch Korean television. The cultural values are very different even though I am from a part Asian family.
Their true colors started seeping out right before we left his parents’ house. His Mom started throwing a fit, literally, by yelling and hitting him/us as we collected our things. She was frantically flailing like a four-year old. I was in brutal shock and started having a panic attack. My partner had sold me on dreams of having a Mom to shop with and do the fun girl things I have never really gotten to enjoy with my own Mother. I was fine not having parents, but the fact that my partner would try to sell me on his parents being “normal” was beyond disturbing. This was the last panic attack I had.
My partners reaction to this situation was to go eat before we went to the airport to get on our airplane home. It was the perfect time for pho for my partner. So, I had white rice and a fried egg while trying to calm down. He sat across the table from me eating his pho like it was a Tuesday.
This is when I started to question the picture he painted about his family, life, and career.
These past events are like therapy for me to write down. So, please excuse my journals of a whore to a housewife.
Now my life is so very different from how it used to be! I live in Las Vegas on a golf course with my two rescue dogs. Since retiring from stripping, I have the opportunity to indulge my heart with pets, because I now have the time and heart to do so. The transition has been large and overwhelming, but worth it in so many ways.
Currently, I have two books available on Amazon and iTunes. My writing career has been my saving grace. I have worked the past three years even though it was not monetarily necessary. This is something most people do not understand because they have never experienced not having to work to get by. Well, working is not a chore when you are achieving your goals and dreams. It is a privilege in a sense.
So, yes, I made a lot of mistakes on the way I chose to exit the adult industry and especially stripping, but I am not disappointed with my evolution. I have learned so much about myself through the experiences that most people call “normal” in the “real world”.
The real world is without clear boundaries, unlike the adult industry which survives off clear boundaries and/or the extreme lack there of.
“Tell me who admires and loves you, and I will tell you who you are.”
I have thought for days on how to describe all the transition I have gone through in a simple little blog post, but I cannot. So here are the bullet points about 2014:
I started the year with stripping and sugar in Oregon.
I wrote a monthly syndicated magazine column and had my blog.
I had two SDs by Summer, whom I enjoyed.
By summer I was making enough money that stripping stopping being so appealing. I started dancing less frequently, but was making more than I ever did stripping.
Near the end of Summer, I agreed to A1’s arrangement and to give up stripping. He compensated me for this stipulation of our verbal agreement/arrangement. However, he knew he was signing up to be one of two men.
Mr. Utah was all over the place, frivolous, and unpredictable. Yet, educated and intelligent as well. We met in Spring in Las Vegas.
I spent a few months going between A1 in Portland, to Eugene where I lived, to Vegas where I wanted to live, to Park City Utah where Mr Utah lived, and on vacations as well. I was happy with all the changes and variety I encountered throughout the month. It was planned and logical, unlike the strip club. The fast lane was a nice pace to get to relax in.
Dec. 1 My arrangement with Mr Utah ended, it had been months since I had seen him in person.
Dec 1 I started seeing A1 exclusively and this was the first time I had ever been monogamous in sugar before. Let the games of being a recovering stripper begin!
There is my story of transactions and transition in a nutshell. I gave up a little piece of my freedom and myself at a time for not enough in exchange in many instances. Never forget the power of being a woman and an emotional creature.