Month: March 2018

Signs You Have Experienced Narcissistic Abuse

Many people have approached me with questions regarding how to know if they have experienced narcissistic abuse. In our society, we do not often treat the root issue, but rather treat the symptoms. Therefore, the signs of narcissistic abuse can often become the focus themselves rather than discovering the root issue of narcissistic abuse.

Here are 16 signs of narcissistic abuse:

  1. Anxiety and/or depression.
  2. Health issues and/or autoimmune diseases.
  3. Walking on eggshells.
  4. You put your needs/wants/desires on the back burner.
  5. Self isolation.
  6. Compare yourself to others.
  7. Self sabotage and self-destruction.
  8. Fear of success.
  9. Gaslight yourself(ex. rationalizing, minimizing, denying).
  10. Low self-esteem.
  11. Feeling like you are going crazy.
  12. Nothing you do is good enough.
  13. You feel ignored and/or invisible.
  14. Overachiever or underachiever.
  15. Poor sense of self.
  16. You fear you are a narcissist.

If you can relate to these symptoms of narcissistic abuse, then it is time to reevaluate who you are surrounding yourself with and take the steps necessary to resolve the root cause. Be brave and know that being alone is way better than dealing with these unhealthy symptoms that will eventually take over your life.



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11 Signs You’re the Victim of Narcissistic Abuse

Narcissistic Abuse: 16 Subtle Signs a Narcissist is Abusing You

8 Signs of Narcissistic Abuse

Narcissistic Mothers-Children Themselves

Growing up with a Narcissistic Mother is one of the hardest things I have ever endured in my life. I always knew there was something wrong with my Mother, but never found the words until last year. Honestly, I just looked at her as damaged and someone I was supposed to feel sorry for while looking after her as my own child. This is the root wound and original abuser in many of our lives. Narcissistic Mothers prepare and condition their children to be in relationships with narcissists and other toxic people throughout their lives.

If you grew up with a narcissist Mother then you did not get to have a childhood. Life was all about them and their needs and wants. Here are some signs of a narcissistic Mother with some examples from my own childhood.

  • Competition-They are always in competition with their children.
  • Emotional Incest-My little brother still lives at home at the age of 27. My Mother likes this because then she does not have to be alone and face her fears of abandonment.
  • Do not validate feelings and/or allow children to be seen.
  • Fear of abandonment.
  • Do not have the ability to love, so they love bomb occasionally to save face and keep up appearances.
  • Will turn their children into slaves/personal servants. It is your job to take care of her because she is the forever child and you still have the opportunity to grow. She punishes you for this opportunity.
  • Will tell you the world is an awful place to be feared. This instills the fears she has about the world onto you.
  • Withholding of everything, but especially love.
  • Has to be the center of attention.
  • Neglectful because being a Mother does not provide the payoffs she expects.
  • You are to live up to her expectations and not your own. She is the one that you have to impress and her standards are the rule, not the exception.
  • Jealous of children’s successes. My Mother told me that she deserves credit for the books I have written because she taught me to read.
  • Manipulative-Guilt trip, Blame, Shame, Emotional Coercion, etc.
  • Child is the source of the problems.
  • No empathy.
  • Love is conditional and used as a reward to reinforce behavior that makes her feel superior.

These are just a few of the signs/tactics of a narcissistic Mother. When you realize these traits are just apart of who they are and have nothing to do with who you really are, the sooner you can heal. Rewiring your brain from childhood is quite a large task, but it can be done. Loose all hope for her and know that your hope needs to go into making your future the brightest it can be.



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10 Signs Of A Narcissistic Parent

The Differences Between Covert & Overt Narcissists

I received a question on my last blog post, Narcissistic War Tactics, regarding how to tell the difference between covert and overt narcissists. So let me expand a bit on these two types of narcissism.

Covert narcissists are more subtle in their abuse. They often are hypersensitive, quiet, smug, passive aggressive, lack empathy, and self-absorbed. While on the other end of the spectrum, overt narcissists are aggressive, exploitative, loud, and have a great need for attention. Richard Grannon goes as far to say that people with BPD are covert narcissists, “overt narcissists in training”.

Rarely does a narcissist stick to just one war tactic. In situations/relationships where they feel secure and like the other person is invested and/or stuck they will be overt and in other areas where they are not so confident they will use covert tactics. This is something I realized in my last relationship. My ex partner was very covert when I first met him, but after a few years he turned overt in most instances. Where as the opposite is true for my Mother. She was very overt when I was younger, because I was literally stuck with nowhere to run, but as time went on and she realized I did not have to include her in my life she turned more covert.

Their tactics change based on the situation and relationship. However, the general assumption that they are greater than stays the same. At work they may use one tactic, at home they may use another, and in other situations they change once again. Throughout the day they may yoyo back and forth between covert and overt.

Does it matter whether they are overt or covert? No. In the end, the result of narcissistic abuse is the same. So keep your eyes and ears open. If you feel like someone is being abusive, but cannot quite put your finger on what is happening, it is quite possible it is covert narcissistic abuse. No matter the type of narcissist, their end goal is the same and that is to make you feel less than and reinforce their superiority.

Trust your gut and write things down. Patterns will arise, because they repeat the tactics that work for them.





Narcissistic War Tactics-Covert Versus Overt

All narcissists are not the same in the way they wage war on your heart and soul. Some are covert and others are overt. The differences are great in the tactics they use and how they come across, but the end result is narcissistic abuse. Richard Grannon describes covert as using the same tactics as Communism and overt as the Nazi regime. This explanation brought things into perspective more clearly than ever before.

I grew up Russian Orthodox with a BPD/Narc Mother who still speaks broken English when she gets upset.(The Offspring Of Evil-Growing UP Communist) Communism is nothing new to me, however the idea that covert Narcissists are basically Communists was an eye-opening realization. As a child, my Mother would tell me she was beating me because she loved me and it was for my own good. So from early on I was conditioned to think that abuse was love. This is the communist war tactic. They do not tell you that they hate you, they disguise their hate as love. This is a pattern that has repeated in my life over and over. However, the truth can set one free and I am here to say that no one has to accept this definition of love.

People who truly love you will not abuse you. People do not physically or emotionally neglect someone they love. This is not a delusion that you have to keep on living. Real humans love each other and show it with affection and attention. This affection and attention does not hurt, it heals and nurtures. For those of us who have found ourselves in relationships that include narcissistic abuse, we no longer have to operate with the false belief that love hurts. Real love does not harm or hurt.



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My Health Journey-Narcissistic Abuse

The past few years, I have researched health to the ends of the earth. During this period I was enduring narcissistic abuse, but I was unable to identify it as such because I grew up in a narcissistic cult.  These feelings of emptiness and pain were normal and reminded me of my childhood. Feeling sick was a physical sign I could no longer ignore. Illness was getting in the way of everyday life and my career. So, I sought out to correct the physical.

When my narcissistic abuse lessened, I started to really see improvements in my health and well-being. It was a shocking realization that abuse can actually physically affect one’s health. The toxic people in my life were literally making me sick and closer to death.

As I started leaving cluster b personality disordered people in my past and going no contact, it was so much easier to live a healthy life. Plus, lifestyle changes can deter them from being active participants in a person’s life. Rarely does a narcissist want to eat healthy and not drink or do drugs.

As I started to live in a healthier manner, narcissists were without the tools to control me. It was an eye-opening experience to say the least. Towards the end, I was vegan, gluten-free, and mostly raw in my diet and I could feel and see myself getting better. However, little did I know I would exponentially continue to get better without many more changes after going no contact.

There are so many things that can help with the emotional trauma of learning about narcissistic abuse and leaving it in the past. Here are a few things that aided me in finding clarity and hope.

  1. Changing My Diet-I was already vegetarian and gluten-free, but when I went vegan I started to really see the changes in my body and mind. Thinking was simpler and clarity was not fleeting. There are so many little changes that eventually add up to be great change.
  2. Vitamins and Minerals-When I got serious about taking my supplements on a regular basis and focused on minerals more I noticed a huge change. In the modern world we live in mineral insufficiencies are almost a given.
  3. Parasite Cleanses-Humans who unknowingly allow parasitic people in their lives are at risk of having parasitic organisms and bacteria in their body. I survived a lifetime of allowing these parasitic people in my life(because I thought they were normal) so imagine all the little aches and pains I thought of as normal.

Health and self-care are some of the easier parts of recovering from narcissistic abuse. Simple changes in your lifestyle are powerful in redefining who you are as an individual. Allow this power to help you heal emotionally. Emotions are the hard part, so make some physical changes that allow you the energy to deal head on with your emotions in a more timely fashion.



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