Back in Vegas in the backyard poolside writing. Somedays, I still forget how blessed I am. My life is simple by plan with adventure and doses of extreme excitement. Life is a choose your own adventure, so I have taken many twists and turns to be where I am today. Those moments define who I am and remind me to be humble when I have these moments!
Yesterday, was One of those days where I lost sight of the big picture and wallowed in needless emotions. And of course it was an airport day to top it all off. I am human I do have feelings and my own life. Too often people forget this and/or glamorize my life into something it is not. At the end of the day, I am still just another woman making her way through the world, trying to figure out what I want versus what I was programed to want.
I am unsure what I want out of life other than to evolve as an individual and a family of my own. I have the desire to experience the unconditional love of a child. I never experienced this with my parents, but I witnessed it when my little brother was born . I will always remember telling my Mother it is like meeting a stranger you love. I can only imagine the feelings she felt.
Never did I think I would desire to have my own children. Perhaps, it is just my biological clock talking and/or maybe being away from strip clubs and not seeing the damage that pregnancy does to a body daily. I do remember the moment my heart changed on children vividly.
It all changed last week, a toddler grabbed my hand walking off an airplane in Portland from San Francisco. I had just put my hand out to make sure the little guy did not fall getting off the airplane. He just grabbed my hand and held on so tightly, without judgement. It was an energetic exchange that changed the way I look at motherhood. His mother had another little infant, but she was still traveling with two very young children. I was on an airplane before I could walk, I expect better for my children. Who does not want better for their children? Just because someone has children does not mean they must give up traveling and adventuring. It just takes the right planning and place in life.
I am not there yet, but now I know this may be a road I want to take in the future. Scarier things have happened!
“Having children is my greatest achievement. It was my saviour. It switched my focus from the outside to the inside. My children are gifts, they remind me of what’s important.” ~Elle Macpherson