Going no contact after narcissistic abuse is not always an option. No contact is merely removing toxic people from your life in all ways. Changing your phone number, moving, and blocking people on multiple social media platforms is not always a possibility. Although, it is a great way to make a new beginning feel extremely new and fresh. When you cannot completely cut people out of your life, such as co-parenting, using the grey rock technique is another valid option.
The grey rock technique is a way to separate yourself emotionally from a narcissist/toxic person. It involves no longer reacting emotionally to the person along with not investing emotionally. Treat them as a stranger that you do not love and you do not hate, but you merely feel neutral about. Nothing annoys and detours a toxic person like indifference. Cluster b personality disorders do not believe they can be unimportant in someone’s life. Therefore, if you show them just how unimportant they are via your communication style, they will stop communicating with you as much because you are not mirroring their inflated importance back to them.
“By remaining emotionally unresponsive to the narcissist’s bait and prompts, you reduce your worth in their eyes.”
This is a technique that takes time to perfect. When you first leave a narcissistic abusive relationship your biological reactions are on high alert, but after time this calms down. Grey rock is incredibly easy when the narcissist no longer has any control over you and/or your life. Yes, it takes awhile to get to this destination, but this is where the feelings of indifference are rooted. Pretend they are nothing to you and you never allowed them to hurt you because they thrive on your reactions.
“Hurting people gives them the feeling of the control. Control over other people. They enjoy being able to manipulate you in an emotional bankruptcy, being empowered to influence your state of mind.”
Grey Rock is the greatest acting role you will have in this lifetime and your recovery depends on it. Once you have mastered this technique to ward off toxic people you will realize you can do anything. Your feelings do not have to rule your life, no matter how big and overwhelming they are.
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