My Solution

I have spent so much time here alone. My friend here has been busy with an important work deadline. So, I have decided to stay longer, skip my trip to LA, and found a club to work at here in Sacramento. All in hopes of some phone and stressfree quality time.

I have realized the value of time. Especially with friends who you enjoy and accept you at your worst. And celebrate your victories jealousy free, evening adding to them at the same time. Sometimes merely by just being there.

Wish me luck…. California club here I come Wednesday!


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Learning My Own Needs

I have learned I am used to a lot more attention then I would have admitted to before. I enjoy being here with my friend and the lifestyle, the perks, the comfort. However, successful people work a lot and that is what makes them successful.

Therefore, I have spent a ton of time alone. Which normally does not bother me at all, because I am surrounded by people at work. But spending a large portion of time alone on vacation in a strange big city is a priceless gift to learn about myself. If I continue to go out of my comfort zone I will evolve and grow!


“I was born with an enormous need for affection, and a terrible need to give it.”
~Audrey Hepburn

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Letting Addictions Get In The Way

Two summers ago, a girl overdosed on drugs in the club bathroom. The ambulance had to be called to take her to the hospital on a stretcher. Sad story, right? …

No! Not at all! Her actions ruined my money(aka my livelihood) for almost a month. An addiction that was not even my own effected my career.

This girl has been a fixture at the club since the first time I walked into audition, years ago. She returned to work after she got released from the hospital, as they often do. A couple months afterward, I got drunk at work and yelled at this girl. Who did she think she was to get in the way of my dreams and goals when I put in the work and stay away from needles? Her retort was something to the effect of sorry I almost died. I was not going to be apart of her pity party or enable her. I told her the truth. She was less of a liability to me if she had died, because then I would be assured this would not happen again(with her at least).

It may sound cold, but her addiction got in the way of my goals/dreams. I barely have time for my own distractions, emotions, and addictions. The last thing I need to worry about is another girl’s problems, which I have no control over!

“People should watch out for three things: avoid a major addiction, don’t get so deeply into debt that it controls your life, and don’t start a family before you’re ready to settle down.”
James Taylor

“Secrecy, once accepted, becomes an addiction.
Edward Teller
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Alone In A Big City

Being alone in a big city is not something I get used to, even after years of traveling. This trip, I am visiting a friend I have know for almost 2 years. So, it is way more comfortable then most of my trips!

For example today, he came home early from work and caught me in my pjs, no makeup, and hair up in a bun. I had gotten out in the morning to adventure out to tan and shop. So, I was taking a break after cleaning a little, my adventure, and laundry was in process.

Normally never would I allow myself to be seen in this state. All my war paint n physical walls down. Simply being a real human being is difficult for me. It shows vulnerability.

I am lucky to have a little time here to be around someone who knows me. Without wanting anything in return but my time?!?

Perhaps the ability to be viewed as an object in public and know my place is the return?


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