The Differences Between Covert & Overt Narcissists

I received a question on my last blog post, Narcissistic War Tactics, regarding how to tell the difference between covert and overt narcissists. So let me expand a bit on these two types of narcissism.

Covert narcissists are more subtle in their abuse. They often are hypersensitive, quiet, smug, passive aggressive, lack empathy, and self-absorbed. While on the other end of the spectrum, overt narcissists are aggressive, exploitative, loud, and have a great need for attention. Richard Grannon goes as far to say that people with BPD are covert narcissists, “overt narcissists in training”.

Rarely does a narcissist stick to just one war tactic. In situations/relationships where they feel secure and like the other person is invested and/or stuck they will be overt and in other areas where they are not so confident they will use covert tactics. This is something I realized in my last relationship. My ex partner was very covert when I first met him, but after a few years he turned overt in most instances. Where as the opposite is true for my Mother. She was very overt when I was younger, because I was literally stuck with nowhere to run, but as time went on and she realized I did not have to include her in my life she turned more covert.

Their tactics change based on the situation and relationship. However, the general assumption that they are greater than stays the same. At work they may use one tactic, at home they may use another, and in other situations they change once again. Throughout the day they may yoyo back and forth between covert and overt.

Does it matter whether they are overt or covert? No. In the end, the result of narcissistic abuse is the same. So keep your eyes and ears open. If you feel like someone is being abusive, but cannot quite put your finger on what is happening, it is quite possible it is covert narcissistic abuse. No matter the type of narcissist, their end goal is the same and that is to make you feel less than and reinforce their superiority.

Trust your gut and write things down. Patterns will arise, because they repeat the tactics that work for them.





Narcissistic War Tactics-Covert Versus Overt

All narcissists are not the same in the way they wage war on your heart and soul. Some are covert and others are overt. The differences are great in the tactics they use and how they come across, but the end result is narcissistic abuse. Richard Grannon describes covert as using the same tactics as Communism and overt as the Nazi regime. This explanation brought things into perspective more clearly than ever before.

I grew up Russian Orthodox with a BPD/Narc Mother who still speaks broken English when she gets upset.(The Offspring Of Evil-Growing UP Communist) Communism is nothing new to me, however the idea that covert Narcissists are basically Communists was an eye-opening realization. As a child, my Mother would tell me she was beating me because she loved me and it was for my own good. So from early on I was conditioned to think that abuse was love. This is the communist war tactic. They do not tell you that they hate you, they disguise their hate as love. This is a pattern that has repeated in my life over and over. However, the truth can set one free and I am here to say that no one has to accept this definition of love.

People who truly love you will not abuse you. People do not physically or emotionally neglect someone they love. This is not a delusion that you have to keep on living. Real humans love each other and show it with affection and attention. This affection and attention does not hurt, it heals and nurtures. For those of us who have found ourselves in relationships that include narcissistic abuse, we no longer have to operate with the false belief that love hurts. Real love does not harm or hurt.



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My Health Journey-Narcissistic Abuse

The past few years, I have researched health to the ends of the earth. During this period I was enduring narcissistic abuse, but I was unable to identify it as such because I grew up in a narcissistic cult.  These feelings of emptiness and pain were normal and reminded me of my childhood. Feeling sick was a physical sign I could no longer ignore. Illness was getting in the way of everyday life and my career. So, I sought out to correct the physical.

When my narcissistic abuse lessened, I started to really see improvements in my health and well-being. It was a shocking realization that abuse can actually physically affect one’s health. The toxic people in my life were literally making me sick and closer to death.

As I started leaving cluster b personality disordered people in my past and going no contact, it was so much easier to live a healthy life. Plus, lifestyle changes can deter them from being active participants in a person’s life. Rarely does a narcissist want to eat healthy and not drink or do drugs.

As I started to live in a healthier manner, narcissists were without the tools to control me. It was an eye-opening experience to say the least. Towards the end, I was vegan, gluten-free, and mostly raw in my diet and I could feel and see myself getting better. However, little did I know I would exponentially continue to get better without many more changes after going no contact.

There are so many things that can help with the emotional trauma of learning about narcissistic abuse and leaving it in the past. Here are a few things that aided me in finding clarity and hope.

  1. Changing My Diet-I was already vegetarian and gluten-free, but when I went vegan I started to really see the changes in my body and mind. Thinking was simpler and clarity was not fleeting. There are so many little changes that eventually add up to be great change.
  2. Vitamins and Minerals-When I got serious about taking my supplements on a regular basis and focused on minerals more I noticed a huge change. In the modern world we live in mineral insufficiencies are almost a given.
  3. Parasite Cleanses-Humans who unknowingly allow parasitic people in their lives are at risk of having parasitic organisms and bacteria in their body. I survived a lifetime of allowing these parasitic people in my life(because I thought they were normal) so imagine all the little aches and pains I thought of as normal.

Health and self-care are some of the easier parts of recovering from narcissistic abuse. Simple changes in your lifestyle are powerful in redefining who you are as an individual. Allow this power to help you heal emotionally. Emotions are the hard part, so make some physical changes that allow you the energy to deal head on with your emotions in a more timely fashion.



Tips for Self-Care During Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

During my recovery from Narcissistic abuse, I found self-care to be the one activity that always allowed me to feel better. A large part of recovering from narcissistic abuse is learning that you are worth while and there is no shame in taking time to take care of yourself first. If you cannot take care of yourself, then how are you going to help others?

Here is a short list of things to do to take care of yourself, especially in those anxious moments when you feel lost and not like yourself. The more you take care of yourself, the quicker you will recover from narcissistic abuse.

  1. Detox baths are my favorite self-care ritual. Whenever I feel a bit lost or out of sorts, this is a great place to start no matter the time of day. Fill a bathtub with water and add some of the following:  epsom salt, apple cider vinegar, coconut oil, essential oils, bentonite clay, baking soda, etc. One of my favorites is coconut oil, apple cider vinegar, and epsom salt. Take an hour and pamper yourself with a warm bath without interruptions. I do not think I have ever gotten out of the bathtub feeling worse, it is a guaranteed mood elevator.
  2. Remember to religiously take vitamins, probiotics, and minerals. Your body just works better when it has everything it needs. Invest in your health and your body will participate in your evolution and growth.
  3. Go for a walk, take your dogs for a walk, do some yoga, or go to the gym. This is an area I struggle in, so I found easy ways to get my body moving. I learned that when I made myself exercise in any way my panic attacks were lessened. Nothing is worse than a CPTSD flashback taking out a couple of days of your life, so remember to literally keep moving. This also helps prevent dissociation. The more you are present in your body and moving, the harder it is to disassociate.
  4. Have a relaxing morning routine. This is one that made a world of difference in my life. Mornings are a rough time so make it easier by treating yourself to peace in the mornings by design. Take an hour to do things you enjoy in the morning, even if it seems ridiculous. Having a pleasant morning routine sets the tone for your whole day. For example, I get up and make a cup of herbal tea, let the dogs out, and sometimes I take a detox bath, other days I watch an hour of Netflix in bed with my tea and just relax. Make mornings simple. Simplicity is bliss, but taking time for yourself first sets the tone.
  5. Focus on improving your diet and nutrition. There are so many different approaches to this aspect of health and self-care, but just make some small changes gradually that feel good. Start eating more alkaline and plant-based foods. If cancer cannot live in an alkaline body it cannot be a bad thing. Eat more raw vegetables, drink herbal tea, try alkaline water, drink a glass of water with a teaspoon of baking soda before bed, go vegetarian/vegan one meal a day, do a detox, test your ph balance in the mornings, try intermittent fasting, or anything you know will make you feel better. The best part of this step is there are so many options and the resources are unlimited.
  6. Get rid of the chaos and declutter your home, car, and work space. This is another one of my favorite things to do. While learning and processing all the realizations about the life I had lived while surviving narcissistic abuse and domestic violence, I no longer wanted to surround myself with things. Not that I was a hoarder, but hey there was room for improvement. I am not saying we all need to become strict minimalists, but do a spring cleaning and donate a few boxes of stuff you do not need/use. The bonus is you now have a tax write off to file away. Remember things are just things, they will never love you or keep you company, things are merely responsibilities. How much stuff do you want to maintain and spend your life taking care of?
  7. Read books that interest you and will enable you to improve your daily life. I had a stack of books on Narcissistic abuse and cluster b personality disorders during the beginning of my recovery. Learning how to logically process the abuse that these people dish out aids in realizing just how unacceptable it is. They may not think their behaviors are toxic, but over time they erode your self-worth and reality. Finding the ways in which you were eroded is the first step in building yourself back up.
  8. Journal daily. If you are not having an honest conversation with yourself, then you have no business talking to others. It does not matter what you write, what format you choose, or if you do it at the same time everyday. Just remember to talk to yourself by keeping a journal in a conscious honest manner about your life. There is a great power in learning to document your journey and having the ability to look back on it with 20/20 vision.

This is just a short list of some of my go to self-care routines. They are great to use as a reward or in the moment when you are having a difficult time. Self care has no rules other than if you care for yourself others will follow suit. Feeling good about being you is one of the most important things in life, make it a conscious habit and routine.



Remember the big picture, take action, don’t react!

Realty Edge-A Toxic Business


Realty Edge is a real estate firm in Portland, Oregon and now in Las Vegas, Nevada. Tae Roh is one of the owners of this firm. People rarely think to question the personal lives of people who own businesses like this. It is often thought that in order to be successful in business one must have a moral compass of some sort or at least ethics. Well this is probably a naive thought.

Last October when Tae Roh(Tim Roh) and I moved to a home in the Spanish Trail Association in Las Vegas, I started to see completely through the false persona he had been selling me since 2014. After years of his false reality being sold to me as actual reality, I stopped asking so many questions. However there are some things that cannot be hidden forever.

I started seeing Tae Roh in 2014, when he found me on Seeking Arrangement. I was a sugar baby and stripper who was looking for a Sugar Daddy when I was still living in Oregon. These relationships are an experience to say the least. Is Michael O’Meara, a partner at Reality Edge, aware of the double life that Tae Roh has been living?

Tae Roh and I entered into a civil union January 1, 2017. What would it be like to have your business partner lie to you? If the owners of Realty Edge cannot be honest with each other, who can they be honest with?

Glass houses seem to be the trend when it comes to Real Estate.


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