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Narcissistic Abuse Recovery-Leave Your Humanity At Home

When recovering from narcissistic abuse it is time to redefine boundaries. Boundaries are what keep you safe in the future and lack of boundaries is what got you into this mess. In all fairness, you were probably never taught to have boundaries, because you were raised by a narcissist. So, the first step is realizing it is healthy to have solid boundaries.

As I have mentioned before, if you find yourself in a romantic relationship that results in narcissistic abuse it is a pretty safe bet that one of your parents was a narcissist. Narcissists do not raise their children to have boundaries, because they have children to secure constant narcissistic supply. If narcissists taught their children boundaries, the children would start to use these boundaries with their own parents. Thus, the children would not be fulfilling their purpose in the narcissists’ mind.

Mourn the loss of getting to be your emotional self in everyday life and move forward. Even though cluster b personality disordered people seek out to kill the emotional spectrum of others, they hate when you can turn off/tone down your emotions because they lack this ability. They are addicted to the few emotions they have. Thus, their circular obsessive thoughts and trying to kill parts of others they cannot obtain in themselves to feel a rush of power.

“When dealing with insincere people, abandon sincere communication.”

Leave your humanity at home. Even the grocery store is not meant for humanity, look at the “foods” they sell that will kill any trace of humanity some people have left. Our society is not built for humanity, it is built for dysfunction and narcissism. Our government is narcissistic, so our society follows suit. Guard your humanity as the rare gift it is and keep it safe. Humanity is the only thing that can save our society as a whole, but there needs to be strategy before bringing it out publicly.

I am not saying to be heartless. As an intuitive empath with a large emotional spectrum myself, I believe in kindness. However, I do not believe in letting others feed off my emotions and declaring me their new source of supply. Cluster b personality disordered people do not have a connection to source energy. And people who have no connection to source energy are always one breath away from energetically drowning. Are you going to let them push you underwater?

In our world today the nice guy finishes last. Let’s change this by leaving our humanity at home and taking the energetic scarlet letter off. Camouflage is a beautiful war tactic that we all need after experiencing the emotional growth that takes place after narcissistic abuse.

Please leave a comment below if you can relate.

Xoxo

ZiFi

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Check Out: 6 Tips For Setting Boundaries After Narcissist Abuse

Victorian Period Of Mourning After Narcissistic Abuse

After getting out of a narcissistic abusive relationship, everyone needs to take a step back and reevaluate their life. This kind of abuse is something that is deep rooted in our hearts and souls. Narcissistic abuse that takes place in a romantic relationship is rarely your first experience with a narcissist. Finding your root wound and original abuser is the key to banishing this experience from your future.

When I left my last relationship, I was sad, anxious, and confused. However, I had been through other abusive relationships so unfortunately this was nothing new. Finding my root wound is what really pushed me over the edge. How could I have lived my whole life and not realized what was happening? I am educated and pride myself on being informed, so this was a huge blow to the ego. How could these people have pulled the wool over my eyes my whole life? Conditioning was the answer. My whole extended family has been raised to believe narcissism is normal/acceptable and I was no different. When you are raised by wolves you are conditioned to turn a blind eye when they prey.

After this life changing realization, it was time to go into mourning. I was mourning the death of the person I thought I was and the love of the family I never received. I had felt like an orphan my whole life(even when I lived with my parents), but never could really explain it other than they just did not understand me and/or my needs.

Complicated grief is not something many people understand, because it is multidemsional and cannot be easily explained. The one good thing about having an original abuser/root wound is that you have an example of what will happen to you if you choose not to resolve your issues/feelings. My mother/original abuser is one of 8 children that I grew up with as my extended family. My grandmother and grandfather were the heads of this family that was a multigenerational narcissistic family cult by the time I was born. So by default, I witnessed what happened to these grown children when my grandmother and grandfather died.

Complicated is a word that could describe their conditions after the death of their mother(my grandmother). However, the word decline seems to fit more appropriately. They were never in great condition, thus the narcissism, but they all got worse physically, emotionally, and spiritually after this brush with death. All of a sudden there were divorces, weight gain, health conditions, addictions, and all the children born after this were in worse health than the ones of us born previously. It was a snowball of dysfunction even worse than before. It took death for them to leave their original abuser and they were not prepared for such a large part of themselves to die. They had merely been an extension of my grandmother and grandfather for a lifetime. Without knowing who they were and what their true desires were in life they were all lost souls.

This is why it is necessary to work on root wounds and separate yourself from your original abuser. If you do not distance yourself from the dysfunction, you remain an extension of your original abuser. It is time to learn who you are without narcissism casting a shadow on everything and turning a part of your soul dark.

Xoxo

ZiFi

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Sources:

https://www.tchevalier.com/fallingangels/bckgrnd/mourning/

What You Know About Gang Stalking?

What is gang stalking?

Gang stalking is simply a form of community mobbing and organised stalking combined. Just like you have workplace mobbing, and online mobbing, which are both fully recognised as legitimate, this is the community form. 
Gang stalking is organised harassment at it’s best. It the targeting of an individual for revenge, jealousy, sport, or to keep them quiet, etc. 

It’s organised, widespread, and growing. Some describe this form of harassment as, “A psychological attack that can completely destroy a persons life, while leaving little or no evidence to incriminate the perpetrators.” 

Growing up in a narcissistic extended family cult means you never get to forget the past and/or where you come from. The people/family members left behind will forever go out of their way to remind you they still exist and a complete escape is impossible. The heard mentality of a narcissistic family cult is all they have when it comes down to it. The one who escapes threatens their shared reality and their self worth. If you escaped that means they failed to escape, and there really is a world out there beyond the madness they perpetuate.

Kudearoff Family and Associates,

I invite you to keep up your toxic antics, but know I will be publicly sharing my experiences with gang stalking from now on. This is your warning and your way out of my story. No longer will I suffer in silence.

Xoxo

ZiFi

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Sources:

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=gang%20stalking

Cluster B Free in 2019

2018 was a difficult year filled with realizations, change, and emotion. I, like most of my readers, was experiencing/manifesting great change and standing up for myself like never before. However, one change I am surprised to announce is: 2018 was the best readership my blog has received since it began in 2010. This is confirmation that I am not alone and neither are you. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that people would prefer to read about my struggles with cluster b personality disordered people rather than the strip club and adult industry.

So with this information away we go! I have had so many realizations about my life, people, and cluster b personality disorders that I look forward to sharing. Also, I am proud to say I have gone No Contact with ALL the disordered/toxic people in my life. Which honestly was more people than I ever imagined. It has taken great lengths to get to this point of healing and health in my life.

Cluster b personality disordered people do not give up easily, so drastic measures are necessary. With their persistence comes health issues. These people will do whatever they can to stress you out and push you past your limits. Also, they have no shame. They hide in plain sight as narcissistic abuse coaches, friends from grade school, retired strippers, porn stars, empaths, friends from college jobs, stay at home moms, ex-boyfriends, ex-sugar daddies, etc. Basically anyone who seems like they are even somewhat “safe” should be reevaluated based on their actions and not their words.

When recovering from narcissistic abuse, other toxic people will try to prey because they are weak and see an easy way in. Once they hook you it is harder to get them out of your life. I noticed myself giving people the benefit of the doubt, because I saw the confusion I had lived in for a lifetime and did not want to leave another behind in this confusion. However, now I realize other survivors are survivors and can handle themselves. If they were unable to survive they would have given in, taken the easy way out, and become personality disordered themselves.

Be strong, be independent, hold onto your heart, and know this too shall pass.

Xoxo

ZiFi

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Narcissistic Abuse & The Adult Industry

@ZiFiStripClub

I am sure by now you are wondering why you are reading about narcissistic abuse on a website named strip club journals!? … Well, as a recovering stripper and sugar baby, the adult industry saved my life and yet it also was a place where cluster b personality disorders preyed. At the time, I did not know what a narcissistic or borderline personality disordered person looked or acted like, but looking back I now see so many things with 20/20  vision.

Even till this day, I still realize things that I never noticed before. This week:  I realized that some people in the “real world” wear more of a mask daily than I ever did even in the adult industry. I have lived my life truthfully to a fault. My need to document my life (writing/journaling/blogging) has been rooted in the fact that I have been gaslighted by cluster b personality disordered people since before I can remember. Living my truth has required documentation, so I can see my truth tangibly, and not buy into the illusion others continue to try to sell me.

In the adult industry, cluster b personality disordered people are the bread and butter of the daily hustle. These are people who are like children in the sense that they need attention daily. There is no glamour in a person paying to get their basic human needs met. However when you are in the adult industry, you learn quickly to help your largest customers ease the pain and guilt of having to buy their comfort rather than growing up and self soothing. If they matured then you would have to find another regular customer to replace them, that is just simple economics, and more work for not more payoff. “Keep the devil that you know” was a common thought when I catered to my regular strip club customers and sugar daddies. I was their addiction, and as their drug I had the opportunity to put a price on their peace of mind.

The power plays were overwhelming at first, but with time I learned my sanity came down to my ability to set extremely clear boundaries. Also, I learned control over my regulars was found with these boundaries(while using their fear of abandonment and black and white thinking against them). It all came down to my ability to retain my independence, while playing into their fantasies(and it is a slippery slope at times). Most adult industry regular customers do not live in reality. They have started building their own fantasy lands, because reality was not satisfying enough for them. (Unsatisfying enough that they are now purchasing their basic human needs in the adult industry).

My need for reality and financial independence mixed with my ability to play into the fantasies of others was the perfect combination for “success” in the adult industry. The typical “regular” or “sugar daddy” lasts on average 6 months. They cannot keep their mask on even for a shallow relationship where they get to be as dysfunctional as they can pay for. This shines a ton of light on why cluster b personality disordered people cannot be satisfied in a “real” relationship, because they even get bored with their fantasy relationships.

Beware of people who cannot be satisfied!

Xoxo

ZiFi

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