Real life emotions are clouding my better judgement when it comes to work recently. Yes, I know it is shocking to some that I too want to give into the human desire to pair/partner up with someone in real life. I am human, so I flirt with the idea on occasion.
Since I have been sick this past week, I have had a lot of time to think. And I now know the root to many of my problems/fears are trust issues. Another part of me is so jaded I wonder if there really is a man who can deal with my job, traveling, and still love my demanding self full-time. Perhaps, this is why I only entertain feelings with men who live in other states.
It is my comfort zone. I get my own life and they get their own life. When we are together, we are together and it is amazing. But is this really real life? A band aid on a broken bone? When will I feel comfortable with someone really being close to me again?
I put up walls to dance, to sugar, and to blog and now here I am lost in my own walls. Safe, yes, but alone. Somehow, I know in my heart this will not be forever and life is just that life. My day will come soon, at least I know what I am giving up, some people never know what it is like to not be alone or loved!
Choose wisely who you let close, those are the ones able to hurt us the most(consciously or unconsciously).