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Narcissistic Abuse & The Adult Industry

@ZiFiStripClub

I am sure by now you are wondering why you are reading about narcissistic abuse on a website named strip club journals!? … Well, as a recovering stripper and sugar baby, the adult industry saved my life and yet it also was a place where cluster b personality disorders preyed. At the time, I did not know what a narcissistic or borderline personality disordered person looked or acted like, but looking back I now see so many things with 20/20  vision.

Even till this day, I still realize things that I never noticed before. This week:  I realized that some people in the “real world” wear more of a mask daily than I ever did even in the adult industry. I have lived my life truthfully to a fault. My need to document my life (writing/journaling/blogging) has been rooted in the fact that I have been gaslighted by cluster b personality disordered people since before I can remember. Living my truth has required documentation, so I can see my truth tangibly, and not buy into the illusion others continue to try to sell me.

In the adult industry, cluster b personality disordered people are the bread and butter of the daily hustle. These are people who are like children in the sense that they need attention daily. There is no glamour in a person paying to get their basic human needs met. However when you are in the adult industry, you learn quickly to help your largest customers ease the pain and guilt of having to buy their comfort rather than growing up and self soothing. If they matured then you would have to find another regular customer to replace them, that is just simple economics, and more work for not more payoff. “Keep the devil that you know” was a common thought when I catered to my regular strip club customers and sugar daddies. I was their addiction, and as their drug I had the opportunity to put a price on their peace of mind.

The power plays were overwhelming at first, but with time I learned my sanity came down to my ability to set extremely clear boundaries. Also, I learned control over my regulars was found with these boundaries(while using their fear of abandonment and black and white thinking against them). It all came down to my ability to retain my independence, while playing into their fantasies(and it is a slippery slope at times). Most adult industry regular customers do not live in reality. They have started building their own fantasy lands, because reality was not satisfying enough for them. (Unsatisfying enough that they are now purchasing their basic human needs in the adult industry).

My need for reality and financial independence mixed with my ability to play into the fantasies of others was the perfect combination for “success” in the adult industry. The typical “regular” or “sugar daddy” lasts on average 6 months. They cannot keep their mask on even for a shallow relationship where they get to be as dysfunctional as they can pay for. This shines a ton of light on why cluster b personality disordered people cannot be satisfied in a “real” relationship, because they even get bored with their fantasy relationships.

Beware of people who cannot be satisfied!

Xoxo

ZiFi

Question/Comment?

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How To Put Cluster B To Work For You!?!

In the adult industry, Cluster B personalities are overwhelmingly common. Customers, entertainers, managers, DJ’s, bouncers, photographers, and so many others are necessary in the equation of the adult industry and none are exempt from having cluster B personality disorders. So how does one survive in the adult industry without becoming personality disordered themselves?… Make money and get out, but have a strategy for dealing with these people.

Narcissists, sociopaths, and other cluster B personality disorders are not like other people biologically(it is not just a mere chemical imbalance). They are without morality, which is the last thing a person is thinking when they are watching a half-naked stripper spin on a pole. Her morality is not going to keep her alive, but her physicality may. The adult industry is much like the military, whom also feeds on cluster B personality disorders due to their lack of morality and the ability to mold them. When you are put in a situation over and over again where your morality will not help your odds for survival, adapting is the only way to overcome.

So, what is the strategy for dealing with cluster B personality disordered people? It is simply knowing their fears and running with them. These people do not know or operate out of love, but rather are fear based biologically. Therefore, their fears rule their worlds.

Stay tuned as I explain how to turn Cluster B personality disorders into job security in the adult industry!

Xoxo

ZiFi

Strip Club Journals 2018

@ZiFi_writing

Never did I imagine, I would still be writing this blog three years after retiring from stripping. I started Strip Club Journals in 2010 to process the emotions and experiences I faced in the adult industry. So where do I go from here?… Well the “real world” is without clear boundaries and this makes people flop like a fish trying to create their own boundaries. After leaving the adult industry, I found people actively trying to erode my personal boundaries and telling me I did not need them any longer because I was no longer surrounded by predators in the adult industry.

Well, these people are the predators. When people try to talk you out of your boundaries they are really just trying to manipulate you! This is something that is overwhelmingly common in the “real world”. Yes, people in the adult industry may try to talk you out of your boundaries. However, when you say “No” they normally stop trying or move onto someone else who is more willing to change their boundaries without a fight. The path of least resistance is a lot cheaper in the adult industry, but in the “real world” people can afford to try to erode your boundaries because there is no cost to them for trying. Talk about confusing and unacceptable!

Where do I go from here with all this information? What kind of books will I write in the future? Will the “real world” get easier as the stigma of the adult industry fades? How do I incorporate all this information into my writing? Have you read about Narcissists? How is our culture becoming more and more like two people who use each other as a tool for masturbation?… So the questions are overwhelming… Stay tuned as I find the answers!

Happy New Year!

Xoxo

ZiFi

P.S. AVN Awards are quickly approaching…Who would you like to know more about?

The Adult Industry Saved My Life: A Scapegoat’s Story

As the scapegoat and black sheep of my family, I found great power when I entered the adult industry. For the first time in my life, I was encouraged to say No to people and make toxic people pay for the energy they were trying to take from me. This was when the dynamic completely changed in my life. I took my boundaries everywhere with me and for the first time in my life I knew it was okay and normal to have boundaries. My large extended family, that felt more like a Russian Orthodox cult, had always used me as the shock absorber and the one who could do no right. I was looked at as the difficult/evil child that the whole family was able to use as a whipping boy for all their mistakes, failures, and misfortunes. This allowed the rest of my family to go on being dysfunctional and toxic with the belief that they are victims.

After a lifetime of doing no right it was time to do something different. I was not going to win them over doing the right thing, so why keep trying? Entering the adult industry seemed like the logical thing to do. If I was to do no right, I may as well have a good time and get paid for it. Instead of struggling to do life the “right” way by them, when there was no payoff for this struggle.

The power I found in the adult industry was overwhelming. I had never been so in control of my life and body. The ability to say No and not be punished was amazingly eye-opening. Finally, I felt like I had found a place where I belonged and was rewarded for my boundaries and feelings.

Growing up as the black sheep, I never really questioned this role because I was not like them. Little did I know you have to be mentally ill to be like them. My whole family mocked me for being emotional and/or took joy in making me cry and panic. People with feelings were something that had to be killed and destroyed. Never did I know that empathy was something everyone is supposed to have, because empathy is what made me subhuman to these people I called family.

Due to being raised in a large extended family, the family dynamic was rarely nuclear. My cousins were closer to my siblings. The first grandchild was the golden child, who could do no wrong, and I came second as the scapegoat, who could do no right. Well now the golden child is a violent offender, felon, single(never married) mom, and underachiever with a mental disorder. Yet, she is feared and looked at like a peer from my Mom and her brothers and sisters. There are no generational boundaries in a Narcisstic family unit. Whoever can make the most noise and cause the biggest scene is the person who gets to retain control and power of writing the story.

The golden child took after my mom with her cluster b personality disorder. They both are emotionally unstable and not worried about causing a scene to get their way, but always seem to end up the victim of their circumstances. Narcissists are professional victims till the day they die.

A scapegoat is used to deflect the truth in a Narcissistic family unit. They only support this member of the family when their actions reflect their inferiority. I always wondered why my family would not help me unless I was literally near death or disaster. Now I realize they will only help me when they are at risk of loosing their scapegoat, because without me they have to take accountability for their own actions. It does not look good for a grown adult to not have accomplished anything and to keep going in circles using people.

Well this is me taking accountability for my actions. I will no longer be a scapegoat for the Kudearoff family. They can take their small towns and small minds and be accountable for their own actions. I found my truth and my power in the adult industry and they can never take it away again!

Xoxo

ZiFi

 

It’s My Blog…I Will Let My Narcissism Out If I Want To

Haywood

As a recovering stripper and sugar baby, I can openly admit I was a narcissist and/or let my narcissistic traits take over. The adult industry breeds these qualities because they are required for success as an entertainer, However, it all changed for me when I got a sickly little rescue dog after retiring from stripping. My heart was opened like never before, such a pure love was so refreshing and valuable.

As a member of the adult industry, I naively assumed everyone had feelings they could turn on and off. How could they survive the world without turning them off? I had not figured out a greater defense mechanism for my feelings. What did they know that I did not? How could they be that strong?…. Well, they are Not Strong, but really just extremely weak individuals. I realized now some people have just turned their feelings off permanently. They did this consciously or unconsciously as a child.

Empathy is a choice and without a full spectrum of emotions, it will always be foreign and fleeting!

Xoxo

ZiFi

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