Fall nears and I wonder what all will happen during the busy season before year-end. Moving to a different house in Las Vegas this month has been a cramp in my style. Plus, I am experiencing extreme burn out after writing and publishing two books this past year. So, the logical step is to take a step back, relax, and fine tune everything before I go forward.
Oregon bound in a couple of days for some responsibilities. It is like a working vacation mixed with some family. I am excited to eat the amazing food in Oregon. I miss the farm fresh restaurants and how many vegan and gluten-free options they have available.
I wish I had more to update y’all on, but searching for houses has really made me question how some people live? The struggle of first world problems has been extremely intense.
Where to start?!? So much has been going on lately. Last week were the XRCO awards in Hollywood, California. As always, I learned more about myself than any thing else at this event. The biggest realization is: I like not being in the spotlight anymore. I remember what it was like and I relate it to working in a petting zoo(aka the strip club industry) and being on display. I in no way get paid enough nowadays as a writer to be treated like a piece of meat or zoo animal, that is something I have left in the past.
However, with my career as an ebook author, I am going to have to become more comfortable with having a public presence again. This is a realization I had while I was recovering from my last breast augmentation surgery. My looks will always matter, there is no running from getting judged for how you look. There is only using it to your advantage.
Using my appearance and sexuality to my advantage, rather than having it be a detriment, are things I have not been comfortable with in the past two years. My first set of breast implants were becoming encapsulated with scar tissue thus making me feel and look sick. So for over two years, I did not feel comfortable in my own skin. This was the weirdest feeling ever after working in the adult industry and having to be comfortable in my own skin because often that was all I had on.
Now, six months after my second breast augmentation surgery, I am finally starting to feel like I look normal. This has been the longest process ever. Just figuring out what was wrong took me two years and not listening to many drs and highly educated professionals. Overall a feeling of gratitude is washing over me finally. Last month I did an extremely intense charcoal detox and this month I am reaping the benefits.
Now my readers will understand my obsession with living a healthy lifestyle. Being healthy is not something I learned to value because it comes easy for me, but because I have had to work really hard to get and maintain a healthy lifestyle. My life has changed in many ways because now I live for the big picture.
Thank you to everyone who has purchased and read my last ebook: A Decade On A Pole. Please review the book on Amazon or iTunes
Here I sit in my bed at home in Las Vegas writing on my new laptop. My birthday was last Friday and over the weekend was Exxxotica Denver, so it has been busy to say the least. Plus, I recently got a new rescue dog so leaving home for a work trip was extremely more difficult than normal.
In my daily life, I am ordinary and work from home mostly alone and love it. After years in dark bars surrounded by drunken people who are unpredictable, I enjoy being in a controlled environment. Conventions are the part of my career I push myself to go out of my comfort zone and be surrounded by people again. My nerves are apparent, but I doubt people know why I am nervous. It took me till this past weekend to realize going out of my ordinary controlled environment I have created here in Las Vegas causes me social anxiety. I love to travel and go places for fun, but mix in work and having to talk to people and I turn into a bit of a wreck.
After this realization I felt a bit of relief, but I cannot say I have found a solution. Today has been a day of self-care and loving myself for conquering my comfort zone. Starbucks, laser hair removal, chiropractor, quality time with the dogs, and a trip to the medical marijuana dispensary have all been apart of my day of getting back into my ordinary groove. I love my life at home and have finally created a life I do not feel like I need a vacation from.
The past six months have been a whirlwind of adventures, events, and emotions. So many things are happening in my life and career. It can get overwhelming. When I started this blog(in 2010) never did I think I would have come this far. But here I sit at home in Las Vegas writing at night with my Starbucks, just as I used to in Eugene, Salem, Portland, and Sacramento.
We may evolve, but our habits are what make or break us!
In the past year, I have spent an incredible amount of time alone writing. I have attempted and accomplished things I never expected to achieve in such a short time frame. In the past six months, I have published two ebooks on Amazon and iTunes. Finding a book editor who can deal with my kind of crazy is priceless. Goals I made many years ago are now manifesting into tangible products. It is exciting to have something you love and are passionate about finally become real.
Speaking of real, I also had breast augmentation surgery in December to replace my implants. This was unexpected and due to medical issues with the first set, but I am loving the results. I am so happy I had the surgery done again. My range of motion with my arms is better and I am no longer cold and in pain. It was quite the ordeal and costly, but so worth how I feel. If you do not feel normal after plastic surgery, listen to your guts and get a second opinion. The best irony is at the time I was just finishing my first book So You’ve Got New Boobs Now What? A Guide To Recovery.
Life throws us curve balls in the most bizarre forms sometimes. Now I have a small car invested in my chest and two ebooks published. Due to my surgery I was not able to travel for the holidays, but I could still type(after a few weeks). So, writing my second book A Decade On A Pole was the logical thing to do.
So finished Book 1… Had Surgery…Finished Book 2… And AVN Season Begins
AEE and AVN season are one of my busiest times of year. Networking, magazine deadlines, and all the responsibilities of owning and being your own business filled the air. My first full day of walking after surgery was at the AEE at The Hard Rock Hotel. I was in pain and worried I would hurt my new implants, but I went and conquered and completed most of what I aimed to achieve during AVN season. Sometimes things do not work out as planned or expected, but they still work out.
After AVN season concluded, I made my way to the Sex Health Expo in LA. It was smaller and more intimate of a convention and my first time attending. I had the opportunity to see Dr Ruth speak. All while blending and being one of the masses. Sometimes it is nice to just sit back and absorb some information. A huge thank you to Scarlett Black for always being a kind face in the crowd. Follow her adventures on Twitter @ScarlettBlackes.
Then after a quick trip home to Las Vegas, I changed suitcases and I made my way to Oregon to see family. My little partner in crime is always willing to go along and play in the country. Going “home” to Oregon to where I grew up is intense to say the very least. I have a very hard time making myself actually go. People in small towns think so differently, but at least they are predictable. The disconnect between sex work and “real work” in their minds is a huge barrier. Keeping my clothes on for work did not change this dynamic even within my own family.
Overall, my dreams are on the way to coming true and I feel so blessed to be where I have positioned myself. I realized I have neglected writing personal blog posts over the past couple years. This will change starting with this post. Regular personal updates will appear, along with posts from my personal journal over the past year.