Never did I imagine, I would still be writing this blog three years after retiring from stripping. I started Strip Club Journals in 2010 to process the emotions and experiences I faced in the adult industry. So where do I go from here?… Well the “real world” is without clear boundaries and this makes people flop like a fish trying to create their own boundaries. After leaving the adult industry, I found people actively trying to erode my personal boundaries and telling me I did not need them any longer because I was no longer surrounded by predators in the adult industry.
Well, these people are the predators. When people try to talk you out of your boundaries they are really just trying to manipulate you! This is something that is overwhelmingly common in the “real world”. Yes, people in the adult industry may try to talk you out of your boundaries. However, when you say “No” they normally stop trying or move onto someone else who is more willing to change their boundaries without a fight. The path of least resistance is a lot cheaper in the adult industry, but in the “real world” people can afford to try to erode your boundaries because there is no cost to them for trying. Talk about confusing and unacceptable!
Where do I go from here with all this information? What kind of books will I write in the future? Will the “real world” get easier as the stigma of the adult industry fades? How do I incorporate all this information into my writing? Have you read about Narcissists? How is our culture becoming more and more like two people who use each other as a tool for masturbation?… So the questions are overwhelming… Stay tuned as I find the answers!
Happy New Year!
P.S. AVN Awards are quickly approaching…Who would you like to know more about?
It has been a year since I published my first book, “So You Got New Boobs Now What?” After my second book, “A Decade on a Pole”, I have been taking time off to simmer on life. Of course, I came up with book three concept and manifestation while simmering, but doing absolutely nothing is not my strong suit.
After a career of rushing, deadlines, pressure, stress, traveling, exercise, and embodying sexuality and superficial appearances; multitasking is kind of my thing. I do not know how not to work, but I am really good at working in unconventional ways. So while I find more ways to work and distract myself from writing, check out my book “A Decade on a Pole.”
This book is an inside look into what it is like to be a strip club dancer. What are the emotions, thoughts, and strategies used to survive the adult industry and sex work?
Well, here I am your window into a strip club dancer!
Fall nears and I wonder what all will happen during the busy season before year-end. Moving to a different house in Las Vegas this month has been a cramp in my style. Plus, I am experiencing extreme burn out after writing and publishing two books this past year. So, the logical step is to take a step back, relax, and fine tune everything before I go forward.
Oregon bound in a couple of days for some responsibilities. It is like a working vacation mixed with some family. I am excited to eat the amazing food in Oregon. I miss the farm fresh restaurants and how many vegan and gluten-free options they have available.
I wish I had more to update y’all on, but searching for houses has really made me question how some people live? The struggle of first world problems has been extremely intense.
Where to start?!? So much has been going on lately. Last week were the XRCO awards in Hollywood, California. As always, I learned more about myself than any thing else at this event. The biggest realization is: I like not being in the spotlight anymore. I remember what it was like and I relate it to working in a petting zoo(aka the strip club industry) and being on display. I in no way get paid enough nowadays as a writer to be treated like a piece of meat or zoo animal, that is something I have left in the past.
However, with my career as an ebook author, I am going to have to become more comfortable with having a public presence again. This is a realization I had while I was recovering from my last breast augmentation surgery. My looks will always matter, there is no running from getting judged for how you look. There is only using it to your advantage.
Using my appearance and sexuality to my advantage, rather than having it be a detriment, are things I have not been comfortable with in the past two years. My first set of breast implants were becoming encapsulated with scar tissue thus making me feel and look sick. So for over two years, I did not feel comfortable in my own skin. This was the weirdest feeling ever after working in the adult industry and having to be comfortable in my own skin because often that was all I had on.
Now, six months after my second breast augmentation surgery, I am finally starting to feel like I look normal. This has been the longest process ever. Just figuring out what was wrong took me two years and not listening to many drs and highly educated professionals. Overall a feeling of gratitude is washing over me finally. Last month I did an extremely intense charcoal detox and this month I am reaping the benefits.
Now my readers will understand my obsession with living a healthy lifestyle. Being healthy is not something I learned to value because it comes easy for me, but because I have had to work really hard to get and maintain a healthy lifestyle. My life has changed in many ways because now I live for the big picture.
Thank you to everyone who has purchased and read my last ebook: A Decade On A Pole. Please review the book on Amazon or iTunes
Here I sit in my bed at home in Las Vegas writing on my new laptop. My birthday was last Friday and over the weekend was Exxxotica Denver, so it has been busy to say the least. Plus, I recently got a new rescue dog so leaving home for a work trip was extremely more difficult than normal.
In my daily life, I am ordinary and work from home mostly alone and love it. After years in dark bars surrounded by drunken people who are unpredictable, I enjoy being in a controlled environment. Conventions are the part of my career I push myself to go out of my comfort zone and be surrounded by people again. My nerves are apparent, but I doubt people know why I am nervous. It took me till this past weekend to realize going out of my ordinary controlled environment I have created here in Las Vegas causes me social anxiety. I love to travel and go places for fun, but mix in work and having to talk to people and I turn into a bit of a wreck.
After this realization I felt a bit of relief, but I cannot say I have found a solution. Today has been a day of self-care and loving myself for conquering my comfort zone. Starbucks, laser hair removal, chiropractor, quality time with the dogs, and a trip to the medical marijuana dispensary have all been apart of my day of getting back into my ordinary groove. I love my life at home and have finally created a life I do not feel like I need a vacation from.