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Spiritual Awakening After Narcissistic Abuse

After learning about Narcissists and Cluster B Personality Disorders, my whole life changed. No longer did I try to connect with my family and/or my partner in life. Finally realizing that “these people” are never going to understand me or my way of thinking. I found freedom from the chains that had held me stuck for a lifetime. The gap I had tried to bridge was like trying to get a black and white television to play in Technicolor. Cluster B personality disordered people are very much like a black and white television.

Realizing and coming to terms with the fact that I grew up in a Russian Orthodox Narcissistic multi-generational family cult was overwhelming. The facts went together easily, but the feelings in my heart did not follow with such ease. I still find myself pushing my emotional spectrum onto my family members and ex-partner in vain. For now, I know that biologically they do not have the ability to understand how my mind works and/or see the world in Technicolor.

After learning about my family, my partner, and narcissism my world collapsed as I knew it. I was no longer the “crazy” person I had been raised to believe I was. I am literally the only sane person in a large extended family where herd mentality rules. Learning that my struggles throughout my life had a rhyme and reason was the largest dose of freedom I have ever received.

How can one continue on this journey in life without having a spiritual awakening after learning of the lies they lived for a lifetime?

Xoxo

ZiFi

Narcissistic Mothers-Children Themselves

Growing up with a Narcissistic Mother is one of the hardest things I have ever endured in my life. I always knew there was something wrong with my Mother, but never found the words until last year. Honestly, I just looked at her as damaged and someone I was supposed to feel sorry for while looking after her as my own child. This is the root wound and original abuser in many of our lives. Narcissistic Mothers prepare and condition their children to be in relationships with narcissists and other toxic people throughout their lives.

If you grew up with a narcissist Mother then you did not get to have a childhood. Life was all about them and their needs and wants. Here are some signs of a narcissistic Mother with some examples from my own childhood.

  • Competition-They are always in competition with their children.
  • Emotional Incest-My little brother still lives at home at the age of 27. My Mother likes this because then she does not have to be alone and face her fears of abandonment.
  • Do not validate feelings and/or allow children to be seen.
  • Fear of abandonment.
  • Do not have the ability to love, so they love bomb occasionally to save face and keep up appearances.
  • Will turn their children into slaves/personal servants. It is your job to take care of her because she is the forever child and you still have the opportunity to grow. She punishes you for this opportunity.
  • Will tell you the world is an awful place to be feared. This instills the fears she has about the world onto you.
  • Withholding of everything, but especially love.
  • Has to be the center of attention.
  • Neglectful because being a Mother does not provide the payoffs she expects.
  • You are to live up to her expectations and not your own. She is the one that you have to impress and her standards are the rule, not the exception.
  • Jealous of children’s successes. My Mother told me that she deserves credit for the books I have written because she taught me to read.
  • Manipulative-Guilt trip, Blame, Shame, Emotional Coercion, etc.
  • Child is the source of the problems.
  • No empathy.
  • Love is conditional and used as a reward to reinforce behavior that makes her feel superior.

These are just a few of the signs/tactics of a narcissistic Mother. When you realize these traits are just apart of who they are and have nothing to do with who you really are, the sooner you can heal. Rewiring your brain from childhood is quite a large task, but it can be done. Loose all hope for her and know that your hope needs to go into making your future the brightest it can be.

Xoxo

ZiFi

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Do you have a question or a topic on narcissistic abuse you would like me to write about? Please comment here or email me at ContactZi@yahoo.com

Source:

10 Signs Of A Narcissistic Parent

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/communication-success/201602/10-signs-narcissistic-parent

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