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life after narcissistic abuse

Integration After Narcissistic Abuse

Studying and learning about narcissistic abuse is the easy part of recovery. Integration is what separates the survivors from the thrivers; the trauma based BPD bound from the individuals who go on to live the lives of their dreams. Intellectualizing what you experienced is something that even cluster b personality disordered individuals can do. Without the integration and practical application of what you have learned there is still a disconnect where people perpetuate narcissistic abuse.

This disconnect is deadly. It is almost better to be around a toxic person who is unaware of what they experienced, because then you know there is still hope if one day they choose to educate themselves and get honest. When someone understands logically the narcissistic abuse they have encountered, but remain detached enough to not apply what they learned to correct the issues; they themselves become a predator. The worst kind of predator is one who knows what they are doing, but plays dumb when confronted with the reality of their actions. This is not wisdom, this is cruelty.

Some people get stuck in the helplessness for moments in time and that is completely understandable. However, when this moment becomes a way of life that is when we need to identify the person as toxic. They have chosen to stay stuck in a toxic cycle and playing helpless is a manipulation tactic in itself.

Recovery is a lifestyle. A lifestyle of correcting your programming and knowing it is a life long process. When you know there will always be little things that come up and need to be addressed and changed, you are recovering. When you have intellectualized the abuse and do not implement change on a daily basis you are merely living in the past and acting out it out in the present.

Choosing to not be a victim and being empowered is the only way to get the life of your dreams. No one will hand you happiness on a platter, you must work for it. Mental clarity and health are a personal job we all have to address with integration of knowledge. Merely reading the books and watching the recovery videos is not enough. One must live the recovered life to fully recover. This does not mean perfection, but it does means progress on a daily basis.

Xoxo

ZiFi

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Speaking Your Truth After Narcissistic Abuse



Speaking your truth after narcissistic abuse is a necessary step to achieving recovery. Expressing yourself helps to resolve some of the toxic emotions and traumas that are associated with narcissistic abuse. Look at your original abuser, this is who you will become if you do not speak your truth. Denying a large part of who you are and how you feel is at the root of narcissism. Do you want to be one of them?

Yes, others who have not experienced narcissistic abuse do not understand how deep the river of scars go, but anyone who asks you to stop speaking your truth is toxic to your recovery. Speaking your truth helps the realities of what has occurred to completely sink in and make room for the realizations of what you need to change. This is changing your programming and is far from an easy process.

Do you have thoughts and questions that swirl around in your mind over and over again, because you just cannot quite grasp what to do with all this information? Good! This is your brain making sense of all the trauma and brain washing. In most cases, the toxic tactics are deep rooted in childhood experiences and are then taken advantage of by another toxic person in your adulthood.

“Analysis and education about the abuser are essential to understanding what happened, but once that is done, your attention is most needed inwardly.” -Jackson MacKenzie

How are you going to allow these realizations to make you a better person? I know this sounds crazy at first, but really think about it. All the adversities we experience in life are what make us who we are. How we overcome these difficult situations in life are how we build character. Do not let the abuse define you, but let the things you learn in recovery make you a better and brighter human.

When it comes down to it humanity is all we have and humanity is a beautiful thing.

Xoxo

ZiFi

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Sources:

https://www.psychopathfree.com/articles/how-can-i-stop-thinking-about-the-sociopath-narcissist.355/

Self-Care After Narcissistic Abuse

Learning how to take care of yourself and listening to your body is the first step in recovering from narcissistic abuse. After a lifetime of putting other people’s needs before your own, it is difficult to even know what your body needs and wants. And loving yourself seems like an out-of-body experience, because it has never been something that came naturally from within. Well, self-care is the journey to self-love.

After narcissistic abuse we all want to live our best lives. This means practical application of self-care to develop self-love in a healthy manner. Self-love is the foundation to a healthy and satisfying life. This seems so simple in theory, but let’s examine the root cause of this “Self-Love Deficit Disorder” as Ross Rosenburg puts it.

Self-Love Deficit Disorder is the outcome of being raised by toxic people who do not know how to honor themselves. Conditional love is the language these people speak. Thus motivated by our fear of not being loved, we learned very early to live by other people’s feelings rather than our own. Until we overcome this Self-Love Deficit we will continue to attract people who do not honor themselves into our lives.

When I first read about Ross Rosenburg’s Self-Love Deficit Disorder and Human Magnet Syndrome, I was shocked to the core. It made so much sense. Logically, I could see how these theories had played out in my life and in the narcissistic family cult I was raised in. However, I did not know where to go from here. How was I supposed to practice self-love if I had never experienced someone who actually loved themselves?

Radical self-care is the solution to Self-Love Deficit Disorder. Learning how to take care of your body, mind, and spirit are the building blocks to developing self-love. Once again this sounds entirely too simple, but it works. As a codependent empath, we are raised to cater to the needs and feelings of others. Now is the time to cater to our own needs and feelings in order to heal.

How do you practically apply this information into your everyday life? Create baby steps that add up and naturally snowball. For example, start taking your physical health seriously. I enjoy this approach because feeling better physically leads to better mental health. Some baby steps would be to start taking vitamins/supplements, do a parasite cleanse, take a long relaxing salt bath once a week, eat healthier foods, go for walks, go to the gym, sit in a sauna, get a massage, and/or start meditating. Pick a few self-care practices and do them on a regular basis. When you start to feel the payoff from these self-care practices you will want to add more into your life and the snowball effect will start to take place. Honor your body, mind, and spirit and only allow others into your life who do the same. This is how self-love is created.

Xoxo

ZiFi

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Sources:

http://humanmagnetsyndrome.com/hmsblog/the-codependensorder-pyramidh

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