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life after sex work

Strip Club Journals 2018

@ZiFi_writing

Never did I imagine, I would still be writing this blog three years after retiring from stripping. I started Strip Club Journals in 2010 to process the emotions and experiences I faced in the adult industry. So where do I go from here?… Well the “real world” is without clear boundaries and this makes people flop like a fish trying to create their own boundaries. After leaving the adult industry, I found people actively trying to erode my personal boundaries and telling me I did not need them any longer because I was no longer surrounded by predators in the adult industry.

Well, these people are the predators. When people try to talk you out of your boundaries they are really just trying to manipulate you! This is something that is overwhelmingly common in the “real world”. Yes, people in the adult industry may try to talk you out of your boundaries. However, when you say “No” they normally stop trying or move onto someone else who is more willing to change their boundaries without a fight. The path of least resistance is a lot cheaper in the adult industry, but in the “real world” people can afford to try to erode your boundaries because there is no cost to them for trying. Talk about confusing and unacceptable!

Where do I go from here with all this information? What kind of books will I write in the future? Will the “real world” get easier as the stigma of the adult industry fades? How do I incorporate all this information into my writing? Have you read about Narcissists? How is our culture becoming more and more like two people who use each other as a tool for masturbation?… So the questions are overwhelming… Stay tuned as I find the answers!

Happy New Year!

Xoxo

ZiFi

P.S. AVN Awards are quickly approaching…Who would you like to know more about?

#CrazyMaking-Psychopaths, Sociopaths, & Narcissists

 

#CrazyMaking

When dealing with psychopaths, sociopaths, and narcissists communication is one of their favorite weapons. These people are not human in the fact that they only really feel alive when they are punishing someone else and they enjoy inflicting pain. The internal biology of their brain does not allow them to experience the world and people in the way most of us do. They seek out to hurt people and control things with an intent to make you worry, question who you are, sit at home alone, make you sad, take a piece of your soul, emotionally neglect you, and see how far they can push you. Psychopaths, sociopaths, and narcissists wage war on your soul, but disguised as love.

The following are ways to tell if a person in your life(whether at home, work, school, etc) has physcopathic traits. When confronting a psychopath, sociopath, and/or narcissist about their behavior these are the tactics they use to make you feel crazy:  Crazy Making.

  • Twisting words
  • Projection
  • Lying
  • Manipulation
  • Black and white thinking-no grey areas in their life/thinking
  • Word Salad-they literally do not make sense, flip things around on you to make you the one at fault
  • Circular conversations
  • Triagnulation-they bring a third-party into a situation/conversation(ex. “Should we call your Mom to see what she thinks of that?”)
  • Never ending argument-circular logic(ex. “Yes, but…”) they bring up your past as deflection and may throw in some word salad
  • Gaslighting-ex. “No I wasn’t…” they often outright deny their actions to make you question your reality and perception “You always…”
  • Condescending
  • Know it all
  • Patronizing
  • Accuse you of the things they are doing. Ex. cheating, lying, ect. This is projection.
  • Multiple personas-ex. good cop, bad cop… you will see multiple personas throughout an argument, they make you feel upset to get your reaction and then are your savior by helping you to calm down and find logic
  • All they do is make Excuses-Excuse, rationalize, blame, shame, and guilt trip is the pattern that takes place with their excuses
  • Hyper critical of people
  • Stone walling

These conversations are meant to leave us drained and confused. Psychopaths, sociopaths, and narcissists are parasitic people who enjoy making others crazy with manipulation and control tactics. The only way they feel alive and powerful is through hurting other people and/or making people miserable. Self protection is what drives them to do these things when confronted with their own actions because they cannot admit they are wrong and do not want to take responsiblity. How dare you hold them responsible for their own behavior? Even though they hold others accountable. When confronting a psychopath, sociopath, and/or narcissist you can only guarantee that you will feel dazed and confused after. Nothing like someone denying what they just did in the last breath.

Stone Walling is a huge tactic used by these people. They “punish’ you by refusing to talk. Sometimes they storm out, but overall it is a Loud heavy Silence that surrounds you. They leave people hanging to create anxiety and this is how they make people apologize for things they did not do. They work to make you silent. If you would not confront them then this would not happen. Ex. “I’ve had it…”

This tactic of stone walling a communication creates a feeling of isolation that makes us apologize. They do this on purpose to hurt people and they do know when they are doing something wrong or hurting someone. However, they hurt people on purpose in order to feel good.

If you see these actions in any of your interactions educate yourself. Education is the best tool when dealing with someone who wants to take your happiness for their own. Adult parasites surround us!

Xoxo

ZiFi

Sources:

Spartan Life Coach, YouTube Channel >>Click Here<<

We Need To Talk With Kris Godinez, YouTube Channel >>Click Here<<

Women Who Love Psychopaths, By Sandra Brown >>Click Here<<

Life After Sex Work-Crystal Rayne

“Careers in the adult industry can be messy and hard to manage, but when it all falls apart you are all you have.” ~ZiFi

Rarely do people speak of life after a career in the adult industry. Dealing with people and society after leaving a taboo career behind is the largest barrier. Ironically most people would think the actual sex work to be the difficult part, but no. The difficult part is existing in a society that is sexually unaware and so they love to hate us.

There is a moment in every adult industry members’ career where you realize your fans are not going to be your support system for your “real life”. This may sound silly, but these are the fans you paint a smile on for and go above and beyond to make your performance the best possible every time. Whether it be on stage, on set, or on the business end of your performance oriented career there will always be someone who is a fan. Yet not all fans value your work and/or career, because they can only dream and fantasize about living such a life.

 

Crystal Rayne is a recovering sex worker who is struggling currently with her transition back into civilian society.

I am writing this because I am in serious need of help and this is a very urgent situation. My name is Crystal but y’all know me as Crystal Rayne a former Adult Film Actress and Feature Entertainer. I have been in this type of industry for about 12 years and yes it was very exciting fast paced life good money and meeting and hanging out with different friends well that was the good life that I used to have not having to worry about my bills being late they were always on time and not having to worry about having a roof over my head like I am really worried about at the moment…… this is my story. After I had the fast life going for me I stopped for a while because I wanted to be around my kids more because I have always missed them when I was traveling and wanted to be a stay at home mom for a while so I did I stayed at home with my babies and everything seemed so perfect until I got a last-minute notice the landlord told me that she had sold her house and that I had to be out in a few days I begged her to let me stay because I have kids and that this is not right!!!! You would think that she would understand and find it within her heart to let us stay for at least another week but nope that was not happening……..so now we have no place to go I’ve tried friends and family and no one will help me because of what I used to do for my work I am considered the black sheep of my family and that really hurts. I’ve been trying to call around and ask people I know if I could stay with them and nothing. I don’t want anyone to pity for my situation but I’m praying to God that by some miraculous miracle that my kids and I will get some help and be able to have a place we call home again……I am truly embarrassed by asking for help but at this point we have nothing and I really need the help. I am a very clean woman never ever done drugs in my life or favored alcohol that’s not my cup of tea. I’m a very good mom I’ve always done everything for my kids and made sure they always had what they needed. Again I’m embarrassed by asking for help but at this point I have no other choice. Also I have been working but work has slowed down a lot and I only have enough for gas in my truck and food in my babies mouths which is very important. I hope this finds a way to all of your hearts because my kids and I really need a home God Bless and thank you for every donation it’s greatly appreciated and helps. 
~Crystal Rayne