All narcissists are not the same in the way they wage war on your heart and soul. Some are covert and others are overt. The differences are great in the tactics they use and how they come across, but the end result is narcissistic abuse. Richard Grannon describes covert as using the same tactics as Communism and overt as the Nazi regime. This explanation brought things into perspective more clearly than ever before.
I grew up Russian Orthodox with a BPD/Narc Mother who still speaks broken English when she gets upset.(The Offspring Of Evil-Growing UP Communist) Communism is nothing new to me, however the idea that covert Narcissists are basically Communists was an eye-opening realization. As a child, my Mother would tell me she was beating me because she loved me and it was for my own good. So from early on I was conditioned to think that abuse was love. This is the communist war tactic. They do not tell you that they hate you, they disguise their hate as love. This is a pattern that has repeated in my life over and over. However, the truth can set one free and I am here to say that no one has to accept this definition of love.
People who truly love you will not abuse you. People do not physically or emotionally neglect someone they love. This is not a delusion that you have to keep on living. Real humans love each other and show it with affection and attention. This affection and attention does not hurt, it heals and nurtures. For those of us who have found ourselves in relationships that include narcissistic abuse, we no longer have to operate with the false belief that love hurts. Real love does not harm or hurt.
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The past few years, I have researched health to the ends of the earth. During this period I was enduring narcissistic abuse, but I was unable to identify it as such because I grew up in a narcissistic cult. These feelings of emptiness and pain were normal and reminded me of my childhood. Feeling sick was a physical sign I could no longer ignore. Illness was getting in the way of everyday life and my career. So, I sought out to correct the physical.
When my narcissistic abuse lessened, I started to really see improvements in my health and well-being. It was a shocking realization that abuse can actually physically affect one’s health. The toxic people in my life were literally making me sick and closer to death.
As I started leaving cluster b personality disordered people in my past and going no contact, it was so much easier to live a healthy life. Plus, lifestyle changes can deter them from being active participants in a person’s life. Rarely does a narcissist want to eat healthy and not drink or do drugs.
As I started to live in a healthier manner, narcissists were without the tools to control me. It was an eye-opening experience to say the least. Towards the end, I was vegan, gluten-free, and mostly raw in my diet and I could feel and see myself getting better. However, little did I know I would exponentially continue to get better without many more changes after going no contact.
There are so many things that can help with the emotional trauma of learning about narcissistic abuse and leaving it in the past. Here are a few things that aided me in finding clarity and hope.
- Changing My Diet-I was already vegetarian and gluten-free, but when I went vegan I started to really see the changes in my body and mind. Thinking was simpler and clarity was not fleeting. There are so many little changes that eventually add up to be great change.
- Vitamins and Minerals-When I got serious about taking my supplements on a regular basis and focused on minerals more I noticed a huge change. In the modern world we live in mineral insufficiencies are almost a given.
- Parasite Cleanses-Humans who unknowingly allow parasitic people in their lives are at risk of having parasitic organisms and bacteria in their body. I survived a lifetime of allowing these parasitic people in my life(because I thought they were normal) so imagine all the little aches and pains I thought of as normal.
Health and self-care are some of the easier parts of recovering from narcissistic abuse. Simple changes in your lifestyle are powerful in redefining who you are as an individual. Allow this power to help you heal emotionally. Emotions are the hard part, so make some physical changes that allow you the energy to deal head on with your emotions in a more timely fashion.