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My Health Journey-Narcissistic Abuse

The past few years, I have researched health to the ends of the earth. During this period I was enduring narcissistic abuse, but I was unable to identify it as such because I grew up in a narcissistic cult.  These feelings of emptiness and pain were normal and reminded me of my childhood. Feeling sick was a physical sign I could no longer ignore. Illness was getting in the way of everyday life and my career. So, I sought out to correct the physical.

When my narcissistic abuse lessened, I started to really see improvements in my health and well-being. It was a shocking realization that abuse can actually physically affect one’s health. The toxic people in my life were literally making me sick and closer to death.

As I started leaving cluster b personality disordered people in my past and going no contact, it was so much easier to live a healthy life. Plus, lifestyle changes can deter them from being active participants in a person’s life. Rarely does a narcissist want to eat healthy and not drink or do drugs.

As I started to live in a healthier manner, narcissists were without the tools to control me. It was an eye-opening experience to say the least. Towards the end, I was vegan, gluten-free, and mostly raw in my diet and I could feel and see myself getting better. However, little did I know I would exponentially continue to get better without many more changes after going no contact.

There are so many things that can help with the emotional trauma of learning about narcissistic abuse and leaving it in the past. Here are a few things that aided me in finding clarity and hope.

  1. Changing My Diet-I was already vegetarian and gluten-free, but when I went vegan I started to really see the changes in my body and mind. Thinking was simpler and clarity was not fleeting. There are so many little changes that eventually add up to be great change.
  2. Vitamins and Minerals-When I got serious about taking my supplements on a regular basis and focused on minerals more I noticed a huge change. In the modern world we live in mineral insufficiencies are almost a given.
  3. Parasite Cleanses-Humans who unknowingly allow parasitic people in their lives are at risk of having parasitic organisms and bacteria in their body. I survived a lifetime of allowing these parasitic people in my life(because I thought they were normal) so imagine all the little aches and pains I thought of as normal.

Health and self-care are some of the easier parts of recovering from narcissistic abuse. Simple changes in your lifestyle are powerful in redefining who you are as an individual. Allow this power to help you heal emotionally. Emotions are the hard part, so make some physical changes that allow you the energy to deal head on with your emotions in a more timely fashion.

Xoxo

ZiFi

The Biological Cause Of Personality Disorders

Over the past few months, I have researched the biological cause of personality disorders. With so many toxic people in our society there has to be a physical component to mental disorders and mental health. I went down the rabbit hole with this one, so be open-minded as you read my hypothesis of what causes personality disorders and so many other health conditions in our modern-day society. Also, note that this is just my findings based on a life of toxic people, a career in the adult industry, years of research, and logic.

I was raised in a large extended family. My Mother’s parents immigrated to the US during WWII from Russia and China. My grandparents lived on the west coast and had ten children. These children, my aunts and uncles, have been my research subjects for a lifetime.

Immigrants have a higher rate of personality disorders and mental illness.(1) I did not know this growing up, but I did know that my family was different from most American families. As a child, I assumed this was cultural differences. However, now I know most of them are mentally ill and/or personality disordered.

When I chose a partner in life, I too picked an immigrant who is personality disordered. This was all I knew. In my eyes, family was an uncomfortable group of insecure people who took joy in the barriers and obstacles of one another. They even created more obstacles for each other whenever possible, because they could not share in the joys of each other’s successes. With this kind of family unit there was a vast array of different health conditions and concerns.

First, I looked at ulcers. My partner has ulcerative colitis and I searched for ways to make him healthier, but the real discovery came when I looked at the cause. Ulcers are caused by a parasite and are linked to personality disorders of all kinds.(2) This made sense and the research is limited, but still there to concrete the connections.(3) Therefore, an immigrant with ulcerative colitis is extremely likely to be personality disordered. This starts to bring the cause of personality disorders into perspective with a tangible contagious biological cause/source.

Parasites cause ulcers and are contagious. This explains why being in an intimate relationship with a personality disordered person can cause mental disorders and/or distress.(4) There are so many different points of view on why being close to a person who is mentally ill and/or personality disordered causes troubles, but the one thing that seems to be agreed upon is they do cause “fleas”.(5)

From here, I ran into a study that linked schizophrenia and other mental disorders to parasites.(6) If cats can be linked to spreading parasites that cause mental illnesses what makes us think that people cannot be spreading these parasites that cause mental disorders/diseases/illnesses?(7) There are many studies on this subject and the proof is there. However, it is rarely discussed. If this research was mainstream would anyone go to a mental hospital or inpatient program for mental health?(8)

With this information, I researched parasites in general.(9) Parasites are extremely common throughout the world with millions of people effected and most unknowingly. The research is not ample or extensive because the funding is not there. If many of our health problems are caused by parasites, then the healthcare industry would take a major hit to their profits. Parasites have been known to cause seizures for example. If these people did a natural parasite cleanse rather than taking pharmaceuticals to treat seizures they could find long-term relief. However, there is no profit for the medical/healthcare industry in making people healthy.

With all this information linking together parasites, mental illnesses, personality disorders, ulcers, and immigrants the connections are there. Where will we allow these links to take us?

Xoxo

ZiFi

Sources

  1. Mood, anxiety, and personality disorders among first and second-generation immigrants to the United States. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4258138/
  2. Association between peptic ulcer and personality disorders in a nationally representative US sample https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20716707
  3. Temporal Comorbidity Of Mental Disoders and Ulcerative Colitis https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4315378/
  4. Is BPD Contagious https://www.quora.com/Is-borderline-personality-disorder-contagious
  5. We Need To Talk With Kris Godinez, Fleas https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D82VVB8iOb4
  6. Toxoplasma Gondi, Parasite In Cat Feces, Linked To Schizophrenia And Other Mental Illness http://www.medicaldaily.com/toxoplasma-gondii-parasite-cat-feces-linked-schizophrenia-and-other-mental-illness-337030
  7. Toxoplasma gondii and Schizophrenia https://wwwnc.cdc.gov/eid/article/9/11/03-0143_article

  8. Targeting Common Parasite Could Help Treat Certain Mental Disorders https://www.psychiatryadvisor.com/schizophrenia-and-psychoses/targeting-common-parasite-could-help-treat-certain-mental-disorders/article/403368/
  9. Parasitic Infections also occur in the United States  https://www.cdc.gov/media/releases/2014/p0508-npi.html

Living In Fear-Cluster B Personalities

Remember years ago when the site Ashley Madison was hacked and personal information was leaked to the public? (Read More Here) This is a perfect example of cluster b personality disordered people’s fears coming true. These people live in glass houses and will do anything to keep their glass house/image/ego in tact. If you were an inhuman human would you want people to know? No, because then you would lose so many opportunities to suck the happiness out of others and people would know to keep you at arms distance.

Cluster B personalities live in fear. Their brains do not operate out of love or even know love biologically. Pathology does not love, it destroys. So, the root of the problems with these people starts when we let them close. They are normally highly functioning in society and so they can be hard to spot at times.

The best strategy for dealing with cluster b personality disordered people is to know their fears, because these fears rule their lives. It is sad, but life is very predictable for cluster b people because their default emotions are fear, greed, jealousy, and a few other negative emotions. Without empathy life is really black and white, which explains their inability to see shades of grey, reorganize their thoughts/beliefs, or admit to their own mistakes/weaknesses.

Fears of a Cluster B Personality

  • Abandonment
  • Loss of Control
  • Loss of Resources
  • Fear of Feeling/Looking Inadequate
  • Fear of People Figuring Them Out

As someone who has been exposed to Cluster B personalities from birth, I just assumed some people were evil. However, now I know these people are mentally ill. I started this blog to protect myself and after reviewing the fears of cluster b personalities I now know why I have written about my life for so many years.

When you are close to a cluster b personality disordered person, document your life with them. Take pictures whenever you can and journal about their behaviors. The longer you are around these people, the more confusing their actions. However, the more you can document the more their fears are brought into play, because then they have to worry about being exposed, loosing resources, being abandoned, loosing control, and feeling and/or looking inadequate!

The best weapon with cluster b personality disorders is the truth. They hate the truth and do not want to admit to what they have done.

Up next how to control cluster b personality disordered people when you are not close to them.

Xoxo

ZiFi

Sources

Spartan LIfe Coach YouTube Channel (Click Here)

Women Who Love Psychopaths by Sandra L. Brown

How To Put Cluster B To Work For You!?!

In the adult industry, Cluster B personalities are overwhelmingly common. Customers, entertainers, managers, DJ’s, bouncers, photographers, and so many others are necessary in the equation of the adult industry and none are exempt from having cluster B personality disorders. So how does one survive in the adult industry without becoming personality disordered themselves?… Make money and get out, but have a strategy for dealing with these people.

Narcissists, sociopaths, and other cluster B personality disorders are not like other people biologically(it is not just a mere chemical imbalance). They are without morality, which is the last thing a person is thinking when they are watching a half-naked stripper spin on a pole. Her morality is not going to keep her alive, but her physicality may. The adult industry is much like the military, whom also feeds on cluster B personality disorders due to their lack of morality and the ability to mold them. When you are put in a situation over and over again where your morality will not help your odds for survival, adapting is the only way to overcome.

So, what is the strategy for dealing with cluster B personality disordered people? It is simply knowing their fears and running with them. These people do not know or operate out of love, but rather are fear based biologically. Therefore, their fears rule their worlds.

Stay tuned as I explain how to turn Cluster B personality disorders into job security in the adult industry!

Xoxo

ZiFi

Strip Club Journals 2018

@ZiFi_writing

Never did I imagine, I would still be writing this blog three years after retiring from stripping. I started Strip Club Journals in 2010 to process the emotions and experiences I faced in the adult industry. So where do I go from here?… Well the “real world” is without clear boundaries and this makes people flop like a fish trying to create their own boundaries. After leaving the adult industry, I found people actively trying to erode my personal boundaries and telling me I did not need them any longer because I was no longer surrounded by predators in the adult industry.

Well, these people are the predators. When people try to talk you out of your boundaries they are really just trying to manipulate you! This is something that is overwhelmingly common in the “real world”. Yes, people in the adult industry may try to talk you out of your boundaries. However, when you say “No” they normally stop trying or move onto someone else who is more willing to change their boundaries without a fight. The path of least resistance is a lot cheaper in the adult industry, but in the “real world” people can afford to try to erode your boundaries because there is no cost to them for trying. Talk about confusing and unacceptable!

Where do I go from here with all this information? What kind of books will I write in the future? Will the “real world” get easier as the stigma of the adult industry fades? How do I incorporate all this information into my writing? Have you read about Narcissists? How is our culture becoming more and more like two people who use each other as a tool for masturbation?… So the questions are overwhelming… Stay tuned as I find the answers!

Happy New Year!

Xoxo

ZiFi

P.S. AVN Awards are quickly approaching…Who would you like to know more about?

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