Once the conservative realty firm Realty Edge of Clackamas, Oregon discovered one of its partners found his last girlfriend on SeekingArrangement.com. I was informed they gave him an ultimatum. If he continues to see her, then he will be pushed out of the company and not get compensated properly for his work over the past 5 years. Well, I wonder what they would have said if they found out he was gay?
They are conservative Republicans and cling to their glass houses, which is ironic due to them being in the real estate business. However, nothing has changed other than the ultimatum has made him want to keep her more. We always want what we are told we cannot have. Now I live in Vegas full-time and have freedom, in exchange for waiting for my back pay and keeping semi quiet about everything I know of their ill behavior and beliefs.
Well glass houses shatter. I hope the family members of Realty Edge’s employees are aware of how the people they are involved with and love act at work. If they gave one of the partners this ultimatum then it is very clear they wish to keep their actions hidden and their glass houses in tact. I wonder if they would mind if he was a John?
They may have this issue because they have made him more of a fake than ever before!
Unlike most Friday nights it was slow at Stars. There was an eerie feeling in the club that night, and not many regulars in the building. We were all working the night away, I was sitting on the smoking deck when I heard the first shots fired. Nobody knew what had happened, then a few more shots fired, everybody started running for whatever exit they could reach, or ducking behind any shelter they could find. Within minutes the police had blocked all exits (including the road) and were holding all staff and entertainers in the locker room till they took statements. One man died on the floor that night, three more injured.
The next morning as I was trying to piece together why somebody would do something of this nature, I had reached out to a couple (male) friends for comfort.
One friend “Well that sucks (referring to the shooting), when can I come fuck that pu$$y?”(Obviously not a comforting statement after being in such close proximity to such a violent, careless act.)
Another friend “I’m sorry, have good day.”…
I had already felt that, as a (PERSON) dancer, many people didn’t truly value/care for me (or my life). This was the day that “feeling” changed to knowing it was true.
I had already decided I was going to retire from (exotic) dancing soon, after witnessing that (and feeling completely alone through it) I decided “soon isn’t soon enough”, and started separating myself from the club I had been at almost four years. I felt alienated by so many that I once considered to be like family.
After making statements about my personal feelings about working in the adult industry (online) I began to receive severely negative attention from co-workers, other entertainers, even a few men. Women I had worked with (for years) began verbally attacking me and spreading rumors about me (which was never a problem previously).
At this point I had already been named a finalist in “Polerotica” the “Vagina Beauty Pageant” and now “Miss Exotic Oregon” (all hosted by Dick Hennessey and Exotic Magazine). I had to go out with something to show for all the time and effort I’d put into it.
My time at Stars was coming to an end (quickly), I left Stars in early September to see if there was a club that fit my (financial, and spiritual) needs better. I went to the Lucky Devil lounge in Portland, then to the Firehouse Cabaret in Salem. Both had a much better (less hostile, or aggressive) vibe as far as I’m concerned.
It still wasn’t satisfying my spiritual needs. Which were (are) to feel cared for and financially independent. I’ve never been one to take advantage of people, and I don’t feel that accepting money from men (or women) in exchange for provocative, nude entertainment is doing such. I do however feel that it gives men a control over me that I am just not comfortable with. I started the job search process in October and had a hard time finding anything due to my “lack of experience” over the last years. Finally I was hired at a call center, and that’s where I’m at now.
I need to find my purpose and home. Living in so many different places is difficult in many ways: friends are hard to keep in touch with, matching clothes are in different states, focus is easily lost on the big picture when the small picture is changing so quickly. To top it all off, I am still adjusting to not stripping any longer. Not working is difficult!
Yes, I was finished with stripping because it no longer made me happy. But now that I have taken a break from it. I almost feel like it is my responsibility to go back to stripping and get as much money out of being labeled a stripper for life as possible. Yet, there is another part of me that wants to leave stripping in the past. Therefore, logically I would focus on sugar more.
Here I sit in Eugene at a diner awaiting eggs in the early morning hours. Tonight, I drove home from Portland to spend time in Eugene for the weekend. After the past few weeks and the whirl winds they have entailed I needed a much deserved breather to think and put everything into perspective. I am still unsure how to measure success in my world compared to success in other peoples worlds. However, everything seems to be falling into place and I am happy with the freedom I have achieved. Finally I feel like I have broken through to the large barrier between people who do what they have to in order to survive versus people who do what makes them happy. Even when I was on the verge of this moment I had a difficult time relating to the people in small town Oregon, even my own so called friends, both real life and industry. Now, that I am actually on the other side of this financial barrier, I am even further away from people. I simply cannot relate to their life styles or choice and/or decisions. Yet in turn they cannot relate to my life and/or decisions.
When I get ready to come home to Eugene I always get this overwhelming excited feeling of all things home. Then I get here and remember why I keep leaving. Once leaving home I have never been able to truly go back, maybe it was never home to begin with? However coming “home” sure enables me to appreciate who I am not!
Be yourself, we are meant to be originals.
You can never go home again, but the truth is you can never leave home, so it’s all right. ~Maya Angelou
Sometimes, I just have to get away. In the past year, I have done more traveling than some people will do in a lifetime. Staying in one spot too long is difficult. I need reminders that the world is so much larger than Oregon. The week after I returned home from Utah, California, and Oregon Country Fair, I worked on my writing extensively. Working in the house for days and being home in Oregon, I needed a mini escape.
On a weekday, after finishing work early, I had time to make it to the beach to watch the sunset. On a summer afternoon who can really say no to going to the beach? It was a nice change to explore in Oregon. There is so much beauty here, I often forget that Oregon is foreign to many. A hidden place of magic with trees and greenery on the west coast.
Perhaps, it does take leaving home to really appreciate it.