Never did I imagine, I would still be writing this blog three years after retiring from stripping. I started Strip Club Journals in 2010 to process the emotions and experiences I faced in the adult industry. So where do I go from here?… Well the “real world” is without clear boundaries and this makes people flop like a fish trying to create their own boundaries. After leaving the adult industry, I found people actively trying to erode my personal boundaries and telling me I did not need them any longer because I was no longer surrounded by predators in the adult industry.
Well, these people are the predators. When people try to talk you out of your boundaries they are really just trying to manipulate you! This is something that is overwhelmingly common in the “real world”. Yes, people in the adult industry may try to talk you out of your boundaries. However, when you say “No” they normally stop trying or move onto someone else who is more willing to change their boundaries without a fight. The path of least resistance is a lot cheaper in the adult industry, but in the “real world” people can afford to try to erode your boundaries because there is no cost to them for trying. Talk about confusing and unacceptable!
Where do I go from here with all this information? What kind of books will I write in the future? Will the “real world” get easier as the stigma of the adult industry fades? How do I incorporate all this information into my writing? Have you read about Narcissists? How is our culture becoming more and more like two people who use each other as a tool for masturbation?… So the questions are overwhelming… Stay tuned as I find the answers!
Happy New Year!
P.S. AVN Awards are quickly approaching…Who would you like to know more about?
This year I have kept to myself and kept my travels to a minimal more than ever since entering the adult industry. Writing/publishing my first book is a great leap to my bigger goals, but it has been a lonely process(Yes, I am almost finished & No, I’m not disclosing what it is about yet). I have taken up cooking again and many other things I never thought I would do. However, I am enjoying a different lifestyle, pursuing my dreams, and still drinking coffee at midnight while writing occasionally.
Living Alone in a new state full-time is an experience I am lucky to have and helps me recognize #SmallTownsSmallMinds more vividly! Las Vegas has been my home away from home for years, but it is now my home. It is where my mind feels at ease and where I now feel centered. Home(Oregon) reminds me of my roots, but Las Vegas reminds me of possibility and the future.
I have discovered people’s true colors(both good and bad) and who I want by my side as I achieve/manifest my dreams and goals.
Thank you to everyone who participated in my life with action or by inaction!
You all make my world Real.
Check back soon for more updates and information on my book soon to be available on Amazon. The suspense is killing me, but the excitement of a surprise is something I can never resist!
Acclimating to being in the desert again is amazingly weird. For the first time, here I am single and living alone in a new city with just my puppy. In two months my life has changed and turned upside-down. Where to go from here is the question plaguing me. What do I do for income besides write? Writing has yet to be profitable enough to keep up with my spending habits. Which is a tall order to fill with any one career. Thus, why I have always dabbled in a bit of everything.
The adult industry is amazing in this perspective, because there are so many small niches to be fulfilled. After taking over a year off from sugar and almost two years off from stripping, things are clearer than ever before. I know my own income is the only way I will be truly free of men. Men are fun to play with, but once I gave into sugar monogamy I gave up my power. Funny how that turned out… And how I did not know what was happening to me as it happened. I learned the lesson: Never live above the means in which you can provide for yourself.
Now I am living within my means and within my power once again!
The past few months have been filled with travels, but unlike usual this time I was not just traveling: I was moving. This means I have had no home for this time period(40 days may seem short, but it felt like a whole separate lifetime). People tend to forget the stress of not having the security of a home, real meals, and sleeping in your own bed. Especially, when they are used to you traveling often. People take for granted what they do not know is sacred until it is taken away. I went from having three homes in two different states to homelessness, half by design and half by life lessons and poor choices. And to top it all off, finances had absolutely no part in the equation.
Finally this past weekend, I moved into my own condo in Vegas. This is the first time I have lived alone since I stripped in small town Oregon. It is extremely ironic, after I disappear for over a year to recover from stripping, people still expect the actions of a stripper out of me. In actuality it is the complete opposite. I just want to write and cook casseroles in my pajamas with my puppy at home. I worked for years in small town Oregon from 10pm-2am almost every night to get to where I am today. People do not see the hard work I have put in to be where I am today and often they take my efforts in vain and/or for granted. No I do not want to go out at night to get drunk and talk to people because that feels like stripping with my clothes on. Who wants to work for free?!? I drank mostly to forget stripping and make it the most profitable experience as possible. Why do people who live ordinary lives expect people in the adult industry to not have the desire or need for a little ordinary too?
“The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.” ~Maya Angelou