Over the past year I have been very quiet about my own life. Being a sugar baby turned spoiled girlfriend in a monogamous relationship in Portland, Oregon was a huge transition. My long time readers know I have never given up my freedom to be with just one man in sugar before, let alone live with him. It always seemed very illogical to let one man have so much control over my life, until my feelings and heart got involved.
This someone got me a dog to keep me company in a city I was alone in besides knowing him. Little did I see that a dog made me stay longer and helped him isolate me. It was like a ploy to try to trap me into being a powerless mother and housewife to a controlling man. Joint bank accounts were involved as well as house work and folding underwear. This was no where near the life that I have been used to, but in the mirage of being sold a fantasy of a partner in life, security, family, and future in southern California. I kept trying in this relationship, so I would never look back with regret.
As of last week, I stopped trying anymore. With every compromise of my freedom I lost a piece of myself only to realize the pieces were so small and common that I almost forgot to stand up for myself and be the strong woman I am at heart. Never let a man intimidate you and always stand up for yourself, because no one else will. There will always be those someones out there that prey on women who allow their control to be taken away.
Take your control back and… Never let a powerful man intimidate you!
The transition to being a spoiled girlfriend and having a SDBF(Sugar Daddy-Boyfriend) has included some compromises that entailed my annual cash income becoming a fixed monthly amount. Even before I left Corporate America to enter the adult industry through the doors of a strip club and into the black lights, I worked in jobs that had commission options on top of salary or hourly. So, I have noticed my lack of drive snowballing. No matter how good I look, no matter how well I charm employees at a business event, no matter how much I clean or cook, None of these things will improve my income. Yes, I enjoy picking up the house because I stay in the house, but what is the point of it all. There is no excitement of reaching short term financial goals or even the opportunity. I am taken care of in my daily needs/reasonable wants and bills, but I am not gaining the momentum toward my future as I am accustomed to. Sugar is about preparing for our futures. Yet, I have one foot in the traditional live in relationship. Which is something that is brought up every time I bring up security. It seems like if I want this to work I will have to define a career outside of the adult industry(so I do not have to lie about what I do for a career in public with SDBF). This is the toughest part of my transition out of the strip club. I am learning that people will still assume the worst about any woman who used the objectification of women as a stepping stone to level the playing field of American society.
“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched – they must be felt with the heart.” ~Helen Keller