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reprogramming after narcissistic abuse

Toxic Hope After Narcissistic Abuse

When we enter narcissistic abuse recovery, it is important to remember the work has just begun. Going no contact and leaving your abusers behind is a way of life that will get easier with time, but the real work is changing your programming. You are like a computer who needs an update to fix the bugs that have become apparent over the span of your lifetime. It is not your fault that you were misprogrammed. However, you need to realize there are people who have a vested interest in keeping you from completing your program update and reprogramming yourself.

This is a time to loose hope for other people. In narcissistic abuse recovery, hope can be a toxic form of denial. Loose hope for all the people who have wronged you and all the dysfunctional people you have been attached to in your life. Change is hard and no one wants to change without motivation. It is your job to find your motivation and your why. Do not let hope for other people to see the error of their ways drain your energy and keep you stuck in old programming.

Other people will change when they want to and only then. Recovery is not the buddy system. It is an individual internal job that must be accomplished alone. Yes, by all means, connect to a community of people in recovery, but know you will be leaving most of the people in your life in the past. Those people were attracted and attached to the dysfunctional old you with outdated programming. They may too reprogram themselves and experience an update, but until this process has completed you have no business having them in your life in any big or small way.

No one said recovery was easy. If it was easy think of all the narcissists who would have done it rather than become toxic themselves. Look at your original abuser, were they willing to leave their abusers behind and brave the world on their own? In most cases the answer is no.

Toxic people rarely escape heard mentality, because the thought of being alone with their own thoughts brings them back to the heard of toxic people they know. I suppose this is where their mind leads them to think there is safety in numbers. If you want to remain in the illusion of safety than by all means stay with your heard of toxic people and skip reprogramming. This is the safe and easy way to deal with narcissistic abuse. However, if you want to live the life of your dreams it is time to reprogram and leave the toxic people in the past.

Xoxo

ZiFi

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