Freedom Comes With A Price Tag

You Can Only Give So Much Before You Disappear!

Over the past year I have been very quiet about my own life. Being a sugar baby turned spoiled girlfriend in a monogamous relationship in Portland, Oregon was a huge transition. My long time readers know I have never given up my freedom to be with just one man in sugar before, let alone live with him. It always seemed very illogical to let one man have so much control over my life, until my feelings and heart got involved.

This someone got me a dog to keep me company in a city I was alone in besides knowing him. Little did I see that a dog made me stay longer and helped him isolate me. It was like a ploy to try to trap me into being a powerless mother and housewife to a controlling man. Joint bank accounts were involved as well as house work and folding underwear. This was no where near the life that I have been used to, but in the mirage of being sold a fantasy of a partner in life, security, family, and future in southern California. I kept trying in this relationship, so I would never look back with regret.

As of last week, I stopped trying anymore. With every compromise of my freedom I lost a piece of myself only to realize the pieces were so small and common that I almost forgot to stand up for myself and be the strong woman I am at heart. Never let a man intimidate you and always stand up for yourself, because no one else will. There will always be those someones out there that prey on women who allow their control to be taken away.

Take your control back and… Never let a powerful man intimidate you!





Why I Do Not Blog Much Lately

Since, I stopped stripping my life has changed. No longer do I meet crazy new people regularly. Also, I rarely meet Pots. I have my two Sds who I enjoy and care for. They each highlight a different part of myself forcing me to evolve and go outside of my comfort zone.

However, blogging about my feelings is just not conducive to my livelihood. There are many feelings I write about, but I am not willing to share these feelings with the world yet. There are not supposed to be too many feelings in sugar. Of course, we develop a relationship, but talking feelings is very taboo. Until both parties are able to do so, rarely does it happen. I am grateful and blessed that I have relationships with both my Sds and can voice my opinions and feelings.

This is the tight rope I walk, I must be careful not to abuse this freedom.



Stripper For Life Even In Clothes

So many feelings and so little time to deal with them. Since I stopped stripping and my magazine column went national, life is different than it ever has been before. I no longer dread going to work and the long commute. Stripping is something I have developed mixed feelings about. I loved it for years, but the last few years have been hard on my heart and soul.

Knowing that I have developed the skills to be successful at stripping, but no longer have the desire to use these skills is beyond frustrating. Being pawed by multiple men in a night and having my guard up all the time gets old and is draining. Always watching customers’ hands and being careful not to turn my back without paying attention, while at the same time acting sexy, happy, and carefree. No wonder I drank my way through most of my stripping career. Strip clubs are where lions prey on lambs. All forms of exploitation take place daily in strip clubs nationwide. Drug dealers, pimps, bikers, and pedophiles all frequent strip clubs. They prey on the new, naive, drunk, and high strippers, in an effort to use them for their own pleasure and/or profit.

The more years I spent in strip clubs the more deception I encountered and witnesseed. When the bad out weighs the good and the payoff, it is time to move on. However, this is a difficult chapter to close in my life because the world will always view me as a stripper. Especially because I write about stripping and have always been one to speak out about my experiences as a stripper.

I am blessed for the opportunities that being a stripper has provided. However, I am one of the few who left by choice and not forced by circumstances. Too many strippers I have witnessed leave the industry a skeleton of who they used to be, never to be found again.

I may be a skeleton of who I used to be before I entered the strip clubs. However, I have learned about so many different kinds of people. This knowledge will aide in any endeavor I choose.


“I guess it’s going to have to hurt, I guess I’m going to have to cry, And let go of some things I’ve loved to get to the other side
I guess it’s going to break me down, Like fallin when you try to fly,
Sad but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life starts with goodbye”
― Carrie Underwood


Exploring Living In Portland

So much to catch up on! I must apologize for my absence lately. I was exploring the option of living in Portland, much like test driving a car. Portland is a big city, which is better for opportunity than Eugene. However, it is still Oregon. Where living on a beautiful hill of green trees means wondering when winter comes if the roads up the hills will even be drivable. I do love Portland, but in my few weeks there I decided it is not home. Also, three places to call home is one too many!

I will still visit Portland, but I have decided that currently it is not for me. After making the decision I did not want to stay in Portland, I packed my things, drove to Eugene, and got on a flight to Vegas the next day. Vegas and the desert feel like home away from home.

The latest addition to my life(A1) has encouraged me to do what makes me happy. Never have I heard this so sincerely from a man/sugar daddy. This was what I needed to hear at exactly the right time in my life. I went up to Portland with intentions of returning to stripping. However, stripping is not worth my happiness. It is extra income I am passing up, but there comes a time when the money no longer outweighs how hard it is on a person’s body, heart, and soul.

In Portland, I found a new sugar daddy: A1. He is someone I would like to keep in my life. Even after telling him that I decided I did not want to live in Portland, he agreed to stay apart of my life. This was an amazing feeling. It made my whole Portland experience worthwhile!

Everything happens for a reason…



Pink Bikini

Here I sit in a pink bikini in Vegas poolside writng. I have made it back to Vegas yet again. Where it always feels like home. Oregon will always be home, because it is where I am from, but Vegas is My home away from home. The opportunity, warm dry weather, hustle and bustle amtmosphere and travelers make Vegas one place that literally never stays the same. New people come in daily for work, connventions, and vacation from all over the world. It is amazing just to watch and take it all in. Meeting people here is as easy as going out and networking. It is more about who you know in this day and age. Therefore, networking here is priceless. Everyone comes to Vegas for one reason or another, people from all walks of life and professions.

However, this trip to Vegas is a special first. It is the first time one of my good real life girlfriends from Oregon will be here when I am here. I arranged to meet her here before I even knew my work and travel plans. For me to actually commit is huge. I may have booked my airline ticket at the very last minute, but I made it to Vegas before she even arrived!

So cheers to being back in Las Vegas, writing in a bikini, and seeing real life Oregon girlfriends!


“I’m actually most comfortable when I’m in a bikini, running around on the beach, like, no makeup. It’s really free-feeling, whereas I’m always having to get dressed up and putting makeup on.” ~Ashley Tisdale


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