The Me Too movement has been an eye-opening experience for many people. After a career in the adult industry, I could write a novel on assault, abuse, and patriarchal male entitlement. However, just because I retired I am still not retired from dealing with the shit men pull or try to pull. The sad part is most of them do not even realize what they are doing.
Social media is something I have been actively focusing on. Well with growth comes new people/men. I hate social media for work because of the stupid comments made mostly by men. For something that was made for fun, being social on social media is far from fun. The most common comment I hate is, “But you still look good.”
First of all, I did not stop stripping because I suddenly got fat and ugly.
Just because I was a sex worker who retired does not mean I have lost my sexuality.
I am under no obligation to put on my warpaint(makeup) to be appealing to the average man.
Why would I want to get all made up for social media(which is free) when I spent a decade in black lights fake as a wedding cake for a job?
Who the fuck are these men to comment on my career decision-making?
Even till this day men, their entitlement issues, and inferiority complexes are something I have to bypass in order to succeed. I did avoid the abusive patriarchy by avoiding public social media and the general public for the first couple years after I retired from stripping. However, I am tired of isolating myself so I no longer have to deal with entitled men. It is time to live like females rule the world.
Close your legs and open your hand, nothing in this life is free!
This morning, I woke up with many things on my mind. Thinking too much is one of my favorite past times, but sometimes I have light bulb moments that make the sleepless nights worthwhile. Today was one of those moments.
In my transition from stripper/sugar baby to “real life”, there have been way too many things to observe and analyze about myself, my life, my lifestyle, and society. However, this morning I had a break through. I always ask myself why I was a successful sex worker? Why was it the career I kept the longest and still look back on with fond memories? (Yes, I did work in corporate America before I entered the adult industry.)
It all comes down to my emotions and childhood. I know we are all thinking Daddy issues right? The funny part is I learned emotional work from my Mother. She taught me not to expect it out of men and rarely from herself. If I wanted to have a meaningful relationship with her I had to make up for her emotional shortcomings from a very young age.
Growing up in a Communist culture in a Capitalist society in small town Oregon was full of dysfunctions that gave me the desire to get away. And also prepared me with the skill set to be successful in the adult industry.
“Careers in the adult industry can be messy and hard to manage, but when it all falls apart you are all you have.” ~ZiFi
Rarely do people speak of life after a career in the adult industry. Dealing with people and society after leaving a taboo career behind is the largest barrier. Ironically most people would think the actual sex work to be the difficult part, but no. The difficult part is existing in a society that is sexually unaware and so they love to hate us.
There is a moment in every adult industry members’ career where you realize your fans are not going to be your support system for your “real life”. This may sound silly, but these are the fans you paint a smile on for and go above and beyond to make your performance the best possible every time. Whether it be on stage, on set, or on the business end of your performance oriented career there will always be someone who is a fan. Yet not all fans value your work and/or career, because they can only dream and fantasize about living such a life.
Crystal Rayne is a recovering sex worker who is struggling currently with her transition back into civilian society.
I am writing this because I am in serious need of help and this is a very urgent situation. My name is Crystal but y’all know me as Crystal Rayne a former Adult Film Actress and Feature Entertainer. I have been in this type of industry for about 12 years and yes it was very exciting fast paced life good money and meeting and hanging out with different friends well that was the good life that I used to have not having to worry about my bills being late they were always on time and not having to worry about having a roof over my head like I am really worried about at the moment…… this is my story. After I had the fast life going for me I stopped for a while because I wanted to be around my kids more because I have always missed them when I was traveling and wanted to be a stay at home mom for a while so I did I stayed at home with my babies and everything seemed so perfect until I got a last-minute notice the landlord told me that she had sold her house and that I had to be out in a few days I begged her to let me stay because I have kids and that this is not right!!!! You would think that she would understand and find it within her heart to let us stay for at least another week but nope that was not happening……..so now we have no place to go I’ve tried friends and family and no one will help me because of what I used to do for my work I am considered the black sheep of my family and that really hurts. I’ve been trying to call around and ask people I know if I could stay with them and nothing. I don’t want anyone to pity for my situation but I’m praying to God that by some miraculous miracle that my kids and I will get some help and be able to have a place we call home again……I am truly embarrassed by asking for help but at this point we have nothing and I really need the help. I am a very clean woman never ever done drugs in my life or favored alcohol that’s not my cup of tea. I’m a very good mom I’ve always done everything for my kids and made sure they always had what they needed. Again I’m embarrassed by asking for help but at this point I have no other choice. Also I have been working but work has slowed down a lot and I only have enough for gas in my truck and food in my babies mouths which is very important. I hope this finds a way to all of your hearts because my kids and I really need a home God Bless and thank you for every donation it’s greatly appreciated and helps.
When your job is in sex work how much of a personal preference are you allowed to have? Lately there has been a lot of uproar against performers who do not do interracial sparking from a controversial, now deleted, blog post by adult performer Bella Rose. The performer discussed her personal reasoning for not shooting interracial scenes, a popular category in porn that sells well often leading to a higher payday for performers.
While some performers will only work with people they are attracted to, or like performing with, others are willing and ready to shoot with anyone to get the job done. It is almost impossible to determine if someone’s personal preference is genuinely law of attraction or based off biased thinking passed down through generations. While Bella brought up the fact that often performers will “save” their first interracial scene for months or years to obtain a higher payday by creating a greater demand, some performers have stated they will flat-out never perform an interracial scene. Adult performers have even stated that doing an interracial scene would cost them their white audience and fans who would stop buying their work if they do interracial. On the other hand, there are many performers and an entire agency, Spiegler Girls, who refuse to charge more for a scene based off of the costars skin color.
We may never get down to the bottom of every single performers reasoning for deciding when and if they perform interracial, but with more access to performers through social media some make it known publicly as Bella did. Back several years ago the top performers did not do interracial, including Jenna Jameson, Alexis Texas, Tera Patrick, and several others. As porn changes and progresses we are seeing more performers doing anal, interracial, girl on girl, boy girl scenes and anything else to get them recognition and bookings from directors looking to push the envelope further than in previous years.
This book is dear to my heart. My magazine columns, journals, and tips on how to survive the adult industry are all included. I hope this book makes a great ripple effect in some peoples lives and careers.
Special thank you to Robert Bryant for being an amazingly patient book editor.
Mitchell Murphy and Heath Stillwell thank you for years of being amazing magazine editors and putting up with my kind of crazy!