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The Adult Industry Saved My Life: A Scapegoat’s Story

As the scapegoat and black sheep of my family, I found great power when I entered the adult industry. For the first time in my life, I was encouraged to say No to people and make toxic people pay for the energy they were trying to take from me. This was when the dynamic completely changed in my life. I took my boundaries everywhere with me and for the first time in my life I knew it was okay and normal to have boundaries. My large extended family, that felt more like a Russian Orthodox cult, had always used me as the shock absorber and the one who could do no right. I was looked at as the difficult/evil child that the whole family was able to use as a whipping boy for all their mistakes, failures, and misfortunes. This allowed the rest of my family to go on being dysfunctional and toxic with the belief that they are victims.

After a lifetime of doing no right it was time to do something different. I was not going to win them over doing the right thing, so why keep trying? Entering the adult industry seemed like the logical thing to do. If I was to do no right, I may as well have a good time and get paid for it. Instead of struggling to do life the “right” way by them, when there was no payoff for this struggle.

The power I found in the adult industry was overwhelming. I had never been so in control of my life and body. The ability to say No and not be punished was amazingly eye-opening. Finally, I felt like I had found a place where I belonged and was rewarded for my boundaries and feelings.

Growing up as the black sheep, I never really questioned this role because I was not like them. Little did I know you have to be mentally ill to be like them. My whole family mocked me for being emotional and/or took joy in making me cry and panic. People with feelings were something that had to be killed and destroyed. Never did I know that empathy was something everyone is supposed to have, because empathy is what made me subhuman to these people I called family.

Due to being raised in a large extended family, the family dynamic was rarely nuclear. My cousins were closer to my siblings. The first grandchild was the golden child, who could do no wrong, and I came second as the scapegoat, who could do no right. Well now the golden child is a violent offender, felon, single(never married) mom, and underachiever with a mental disorder. Yet, she is feared and looked at like a peer from my Mom and her brothers and sisters. There are no generational boundaries in a Narcisstic family unit. Whoever can make the most noise and cause the biggest scene is the person who gets to retain control and power of writing the story.

The golden child took after my mom with her cluster b personality disorder. They both are emotionally unstable and not worried about causing a scene to get their way, but always seem to end up the victim of their circumstances. Narcissists are professional victims till the day they die.

A scapegoat is used to deflect the truth in a Narcissistic family unit. They only support this member of the family when their actions reflect their inferiority. I always wondered why my family would not help me unless I was literally near death or disaster. Now I realize they will only help me when they are at risk of loosing their scapegoat, because without me they have to take accountability for their own actions. It does not look good for a grown adult to not have accomplished anything and to keep going in circles using people.

Well this is me taking accountability for my actions. I will no longer be a scapegoat for the Kudearoff family. They can take their small towns and small minds and be accountable for their own actions. I found my truth and my power in the adult industry and they can never take it away again!

Xoxo

ZiFi

 

July & August In Las Vegas

@ZiFiStripClub
@ZiFiStripClub
ZIFI UPDATE!!
 
This year I have kept to myself and kept my travels to a minimal more than ever since entering the adult industry. Writing/publishing my first book is a great leap to my bigger goals, but it has been a lonely process(Yes, I am almost finished & No, I’m not disclosing what it is about yet). I have taken up cooking again and many other things I never thought I would do. However, I am enjoying a different lifestyle, pursuing my dreams, and still drinking coffee at midnight while writing occasionally.
 
Living Alone in a new state full-time is an experience I am lucky to have and helps me recognize #SmallTownsSmallMinds more vividly! Las Vegas has been my home away from home for years, but it is now my home. It is where my mind feels at ease and where I now feel centered. Home(Oregon) reminds me of my roots, but Las Vegas reminds me of possibility and the future.
I have discovered people’s true colors(both good and bad) and who I want by my side as I achieve/manifest my dreams and goals.
 
Thank you to everyone who participated in my life with action or by inaction!
You all make my world Real. 
 
Xoxo
ZiFi

Check back soon for more updates and information on my book soon to be available on Amazon. The suspense is killing me, but the excitement of a surprise is something I can never resist!

@ZiFiStripClub
@ZiFiStripClub

Small Market Strippers-The Backbone of the Strip Club Industry

@ZiFiStripClub
@ZiFiStripClub

During my recent trip to Oregon, I visited a small chain club I used to work at throughout my career as a stripper. This brought back all kinds of reminders of the stigmas and consequences of being a stripper in a small town market. These girls/women are not the best of the best, whom I normally write about, but these strippers dictate how all strippers are viewed by most of mainstream American society. The best of the best are allowed to be the best because of all the strippers in small town markets who make up the majority.

“It’s an unfortunate fact that many(not all) strippers were never taught or shown some of life’s basic skills. Most glaring is the lack of problem solving skills that focus on solutions instead of escalating the problem or assigning blame.” ~Keven “Mack” McFadden(GM from Stars in Salem, Oregon)

It is easy to forget all the little things and ways I learned to adapt in order to survive in small town strip clubs and actually come out ahead. Being around people who have nothing to lose is a tricky situation, which can cost quite a price both financially and mentally. Small town strip clubs are more likely to attract strippers who are drug addicts, strip club lifers, homeless, nomadic/traveling strippers, single moms, uneducated, minors still in high school, and the list goes on of barriers these women have to face and overcome. As small towns struggle economically, so do the strip clubs and this is what has allowed the downfall of standards in small market strip clubs.

The cost of working at small town strip clubs is high above the stigmas of small minds. There are also house fees, tip outs, drinks, gas, cabs, outfits, shoes, nails, tanning, makeup, hair and all the other things associated with beauty and being a stripper. The financial costs of working in a strip club are larger than most would assume. Like the saying goes you do not understand what it is like until you walk in someone else’s plastic six or eight inch stilettos with only a tiny thong.

“Some people may judge the fact that I used to take off my clothes for money, but I am glad I experienced it. People need to not be so judgemental of most strippers…” ~#RecoveringStripper from Springfield, Oregon

Not everyone enters the strip club industry to become one of the best of the best. Many strippers enter the strip club industry to even the financial playing field for being a woman in American society/Corporate America, but choose not to live in the industry forever. Some treat stripping as a stepping stone, much like an athlete has a career window. The connections, networking opportunities, and the time for personal enrichment and evolution are all valuable benefits of being a stripper. All walks of life enter the strip club both as customers, strippers, and employees. I have yet to find a more diverse way to network and learn about the world than stripping and the adult industry. Stripping in small towns was where I always had my best nights financially shockingly. Yet, it makes dollars and sense, because I found drunk blue-collar workers were always more willing to spend their last dollar than any other demographic. Working in small markets, even with the extra costs, was worth it financially some nights. Other nights it was draining physically, mentally, and emotionally.

“People will continue to find ways to surprise you, whether it’s a good energy or bad never assume anything of anyone.” ~#RecoveringStripper from Springfield, Oregon

When I worked in small town Oregon I would remove most jewelry and anything of value that could be stolen by a customer or peer. For the most part, if I could not live without it, I did not bring it to work. I even had certain clothes I would wear into the strip club while working. Many nights I witnessed other strippers forced to go home in a bikini bottom or a short skirt due to stolen clothing.

“Unfortunately, for many of them(strippers) it is their own life choices that led them down a destructive path. Once they are at the low point and add self medicating into the mix, it is no wonder they tend to lash out at both people and property as a way of gaining a feeling of power.” ~Kevin “Mack” McFadden(GM of Stars in Salem, Oregon)

The struggle is real for some strippers. This may be their last option to turn their life around or make it a complete train wreck. The later is what I saw in small markets more rampantly unfortunately. These strippers are not creating their exit plans from the strip club industry, but merely seeking a means to an end. All strippers have a reason for being where they are and doing what they do. Does this mean we owe society an explanation? … No! Not until society can explain to us as women why our bodies are more valuable than our brains, especially during our youth.

Small towns breed small minds and no one can change this fact. It is overwhelmingly apparent in small market strip clubs. Men visit strip clubs to feel better about themselves and have a good time. Therefore, the entertainment(strippers) cannot be better than the customers in any way. Playing dumb becomes the norm for work. There is only so long one can play dumb and learn from others before there is no more patience to learn more from small minds. Small minds who do not realize they are merely a big fish in a very small pond.

Knowledge is free-flowing in strip clubs if one chooses to realize the opportunity to mingle with all walks of life. However, the patience and tolerance it takes to deal with small towns and small minds from both customers and peers is incredibly draining. Playing small-minded, while being a sponge for information does not mix well, however this is how the strip club industry works at its best. Women go into the strip club industry looking for an upper hand when it comes to finances, education, and/or evolution. It is their own personal coping mechanisms that decides how the strip club industry molds them.

Xoxo

ZiFi

@ZiFiStripClub

Realty Edge’s Ultimatum

@RealtyEdgePDX
@RealtyEdgePDX

Once the conservative realty firm Realty Edge of Clackamas, Oregon discovered one of its partners found his last girlfriend on SeekingArrangement.com. I was informed they gave him an ultimatum. If he continues to see her, then he will be pushed out of the company and not get compensated properly for his work over the past 5 years. Well, I wonder what they would have said if they found out he was gay?

They are conservative Republicans and cling to their glass houses, which is ironic due to them being in the real estate business. However, nothing has changed other than the ultimatum has made him want to keep her more. We always want what we are told we cannot have. Now I live in Vegas full-time and have freedom, in exchange for waiting for my back pay and keeping semi quiet about everything I know of their ill behavior and beliefs.

Well glass houses shatter. I hope the family members of Realty Edge’s employees are aware of how the people they are involved with and love act at work. If they gave one of the partners this ultimatum then it is very clear they wish to keep their actions hidden and their glass houses in tact. I wonder if they would mind if  he was a John?

They may have this issue because they have made him more of a fake than ever before!

Xoxo

ZiFi

@ZiFiStripClub

Guest Post #1-Cora Ann

@AvaCorinaF
@AvaCorinaF

“I’m Sorry, Have a Good Day”

Unlike most Friday nights it was slow at Stars. There was an eerie feeling in the club that night, and not many regulars in the building. We were all working the night away, I was sitting on the smoking deck when I heard the first shots fired. Nobody knew what had happened, then a few more shots fired, everybody started running for whatever exit they could reach, or ducking behind any shelter they could find. Within minutes the police had blocked all exits (including the road) and were holding all staff and entertainers in the locker room till they took statements. One man died on the floor that night, three more injured.

The next morning as I was trying to piece together why somebody would do something of this nature, I had reached out to a couple (male) friends for comfort.

One friend “Well that sucks (referring to the shooting), when can I come fuck that pu$$y?”(Obviously not a comforting statement after being in such close proximity to such a violent, careless act.)

Another friend “I’m sorry, have good day.”…

I had already felt that, as a (PERSON) dancer, many people didn’t truly value/care for me (or my life). This was the day that “feeling” changed to knowing it was true.

I had already decided I was going to retire from (exotic) dancing soon, after witnessing that (and feeling completely alone through it) I decided “soon isn’t soon enough”, and started separating myself from the club I had been at almost four years. I felt alienated by so many that I once considered to be like family.

After making statements about my personal feelings about working in the adult industry (online) I began to receive severely negative attention from co-workers, other entertainers, even a few men. Women I had worked with (for years) began verbally attacking me and spreading rumors about me (which was never a problem previously).

At this point I had already been named a finalist in “Polerotica” the “Vagina Beauty Pageant” and now “Miss Exotic Oregon” (all hosted by Dick Hennessey and Exotic Magazine).  I had to go out with something to show for all the time and effort I’d put into it.

My time at Stars was coming to an end (quickly), I left Stars in early September to see if there was a club that fit my (financial, and spiritual) needs better. I went to the Lucky Devil lounge in Portland, then to the Firehouse Cabaret in Salem. Both had a much better (less hostile, or aggressive) vibe as far as I’m concerned.

It still wasn’t satisfying my spiritual needs. Which were (are) to feel cared for and financially independent. I’ve never been one to take advantage of people, and I don’t feel that accepting money from men (or women) in exchange for provocative, nude entertainment is doing such. I do however feel that it gives men a control over me that I am just not comfortable with.  I started the job search process in October and had a hard time finding anything due to my “lack of experience” over the last years. Finally I was hired at a call center, and that’s where I’m at now.

Cora Ann

@AvaCorinaF

Ava 2

 

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