Over the past year I have been very quiet about my own life. Being a sugar baby turned spoiled girlfriend in a monogamous relationship in Portland, Oregon was a huge transition. My long time readers know I have never given up my freedom to be with just one man in sugar before, let alone live with him. It always seemed very illogical to let one man have so much control over my life, until my feelings and heart got involved.
This someone got me a dog to keep me company in a city I was alone in besides knowing him. Little did I see that a dog made me stay longer and helped him isolate me. It was like a ploy to try to trap me into being a powerless mother and housewife to a controlling man. Joint bank accounts were involved as well as house work and folding underwear. This was no where near the life that I have been used to, but in the mirage of being sold a fantasy of a partner in life, security, family, and future in southern California. I kept trying in this relationship, so I would never look back with regret.
As of last week, I stopped trying anymore. With every compromise of my freedom I lost a piece of myself only to realize the pieces were so small and common that I almost forgot to stand up for myself and be the strong woman I am at heart. Never let a man intimidate you and always stand up for yourself, because no one else will. There will always be those someones out there that prey on women who allow their control to be taken away.
Take your control back and… Never let a powerful man intimidate you!
The sugar bowl is rough on everyone’s heart and soul. I have not written about it much lately because I thought I was beyond this point in my relationship. Well, beginnings always seem to resurface as well as insecurities and general differences in lifestyle. I love being with just one person, yes it is very different. However, it is a pleasant change,
Working to make a sugar relationship a somewhat traditional relationship is a difficult process which takes two to make it work. The sacrifices I have made to be here are huge, but the payoff is worth it. Having someone loving and accepting to be there for me no matter what I have done or do for work.
Sometimes sacrifices are not seen and it is hurtful.
“We just can’t shake monogamy. It definitely demands a kind of rigor and discipline and selflessness. But it’s also fun.” ~Claire Danes
Since my return home to Portland from the AVN Expo, I am battling an internal battle of wanting and needing to be the creative person I am at heart. While, at the same time, still trying to be a good SBGF and homemaker. Yes, the homemade dinners that took all day to cook are no longer apart of my focus. However, I try to do the things that really matter when it comes down to it, but it is like walking a tight rope. I want and desire to pursue my career, but I love my SDBF and want him to know he is appreciated.
There are compromises and creativity is not really something that allows itself to be put on hold.
“Creativity is just connecting things. When you ask creative people how they did something, they feel a little guilty because they didn’t really do it, they just saw something. It seemed obvious to them after a while. That’s because they were able to connect experiences they’ve had and synthesize new things.” ~Steve Jobs
My life is so very different then when I first started this blog, even so very different from a year ago. Nowadays, I spend my days cleaning, doing laundry, cooking, primping and taking care of a dog. During this recent major transition I have not written much, because I do not want to become one of those this is what I made for dinner or look at my dog’s new sweatshirt or look at what I shopped for online today blogs.
Being a “normal person” is a lot of work. It really is a full time job to take care of a home. I live in a small loft style condo downtown, so a big house in suburbia almost seems like a nightmare. Responsibility is at a new found high in my life. Committing to be with one man and to take care of another living being on top of it was a lot very quickly. However, looking back I cannot imagine not making these changes and commitments.
Evolution comes in different shapes and sizes!
“Knowing your worth is hard…. standing up for yourself is even more difficult!” ~Zi-Fi