I am sure by now you are wondering why you are reading about narcissistic abuse on a website named strip club journals!? … Well, as a recovering stripper and sugar baby, the adult industry saved my life and yet it also was a place where cluster b personality disorders preyed. At the time, I did not know what a narcissistic or borderline personality disordered person looked or acted like, but looking back I now see so many things with 20/20 vision.
Even till this day, I still realize things that I never noticed before. This week: I realized that some people in the “real world” wear more of a mask daily than I ever did even in the adult industry. I have lived my life truthfully to a fault. My need to document my life (writing/journaling/blogging) has been rooted in the fact that I have been gaslighted by cluster b personality disordered people since before I can remember. Living my truth has required documentation, so I can see my truth tangibly, and not buy into the illusion others continue to try to sell me.
In the adult industry, cluster b personality disordered people are the bread and butter of the daily hustle. These are people who are like children in the sense that they need attention daily. There is no glamour in a person paying to get their basic human needs met. However when you are in the adult industry, you learn quickly to help your largest customers ease the pain and guilt of having to buy their comfort rather than growing up and self soothing. If they matured then you would have to find another regular customer to replace them, that is just simple economics, and more work for not more payoff. “Keep the devil that you know” was a common thought when I catered to my regular strip club customers and sugar daddies. I was their addiction, and as their drug I had the opportunity to put a price on their peace of mind.
The power plays were overwhelming at first, but with time I learned my sanity came down to my ability to set extremely clear boundaries. Also, I learned control over my regulars was found with these boundaries(while using their fear of abandonment and black and white thinking against them). It all came down to my ability to retain my independence, while playing into their fantasies(and it is a slippery slope at times). Most adult industry regular customers do not live in reality. They have started building their own fantasy lands, because reality was not satisfying enough for them. (Unsatisfying enough that they are now purchasing their basic human needs in the adult industry).
My need for reality and financial independence mixed with my ability to play into the fantasies of others was the perfect combination for “success” in the adult industry. The typical “regular” or “sugar daddy” lasts on average 6 months. They cannot keep their mask on even for a shallow relationship where they get to be as dysfunctional as they can pay for. This shines a ton of light on why cluster b personality disordered people cannot be satisfied in a “real” relationship, because they even get bored with their fantasy relationships.
In the adult industry, Cluster B personalities are overwhelmingly common. Customers, entertainers, managers, DJ’s, bouncers, photographers, and so many others are necessary in the equation of the adult industry and none are exempt from having cluster B personality disorders. So how does one survive in the adult industry without becoming personality disordered themselves?… Make money and get out, but have a strategy for dealing with these people.
Narcissists, sociopaths, and other cluster B personality disorders are not like other people biologically(it is not just a mere chemical imbalance). They are without morality, which is the last thing a person is thinking when they are watching a half-naked stripper spin on a pole. Her morality is not going to keep her alive, but her physicality may. The adult industry is much like the military, whom also feeds on cluster B personality disorders due to their lack of morality and the ability to mold them. When you are put in a situation over and over again where your morality will not help your odds for survival, adapting is the only way to overcome.
So, what is the strategy for dealing with cluster B personality disordered people? It is simply knowing their fears and running with them. These people do not know or operate out of love, but rather are fear based biologically. Therefore, their fears rule their worlds.
Stay tuned as I explain how to turn Cluster B personality disorders into job security in the adult industry!
As a recovering stripper and sugar baby, I can openly admit I was a narcissist and/or let my narcissistic traits take over. The adult industry breeds these qualities because they are required for success as an entertainer, However, it all changed for me when I got a sickly little rescue dog after retiring from stripping. My heart was opened like never before, such a pure love was so refreshing and valuable.
As a member of the adult industry, I naively assumed everyone had feelings they could turn on and off. How could they survive the world without turning them off? I had not figured out a greater defense mechanism for my feelings. What did they know that I did not? How could they be that strong?…. Well, they are Not Strong, but really just extremely weak individuals. I realized now some people have just turned their feelings off permanently. They did this consciously or unconsciously as a child.
Empathy is a choice and without a full spectrum of emotions, it will always be foreign and fleeting!
I started my blog to protect myself from unkind people and as a defense mechanism. I am not looking for pity or sympathy. Strip Club Journals is merely a way to protect myself from abusive/dysfunctional people and educate society of social norms they may have never questioned. Today, I realized I have the power. I have the power to make people live in the truth of their actions and that is what scares them. Especially, to have to do this publicly with their flaws and faults is terrifying.
This could be why my partner restricted my blogging about personal events. Especially, events that include him and may not be common knowledge.
A1 and I will be celebrating the first anniversary of our civil union on the New Year. What do you think he will get me? Do you think he still spoils me like he did when he found me on SeekingArrangement.com as a sugar baby/stripper? We will all find out in a few weeks!
It has been a year since I published my first book, “So You Got New Boobs Now What?” After my second book, “A Decade on a Pole”, I have been taking time off to simmer on life. Of course, I came up with book three concept and manifestation while simmering, but doing absolutely nothing is not my strong suit.
After a career of rushing, deadlines, pressure, stress, traveling, exercise, and embodying sexuality and superficial appearances; multitasking is kind of my thing. I do not know how not to work, but I am really good at working in unconventional ways. So while I find more ways to work and distract myself from writing, check out my book “A Decade on a Pole.”
This book is an inside look into what it is like to be a strip club dancer. What are the emotions, thoughts, and strategies used to survive the adult industry and sex work?
Well, here I am your window into a strip club dancer!