This morning, I woke up with many things on my mind. Thinking too much is one of my favorite past times, but sometimes I have light bulb moments that make the sleepless nights worthwhile. Today was one of those moments.
In my transition from stripper/sugar baby to “real life”, there have been way too many things to observe and analyze about myself, my life, my lifestyle, and society. However, this morning I had a break through. I always ask myself why I was a successful sex worker? Why was it the career I kept the longest and still look back on with fond memories? (Yes, I did work in corporate America before I entered the adult industry.)
It all comes down to my emotions and childhood. I know we are all thinking Daddy issues right? The funny part is I learned emotional work from my Mother. She taught me not to expect it out of men and rarely from herself. If I wanted to have a meaningful relationship with her I had to make up for her emotional shortcomings from a very young age.
Growing up in a Communist culture in a Capitalist society in small town Oregon was full of dysfunctions that gave me the desire to get away. And also prepared me with the skill set to be successful in the adult industry.
I am learning every day to allow the space between where I am & where I want to be to inspire me & not terrify me.