I am sure by now you are wondering why you are reading about narcissistic abuse on a website named strip club journals!? … Well, as a recovering stripper and sugar baby, the adult industry saved my life and yet it also was a place where cluster b personality disorders preyed. At the time, I did not know what a narcissistic or borderline personality disordered person looked or acted like, but looking back I now see so many things with 20/20 vision.
Even till this day, I still realize things that I never noticed before. This week: I realized that some people in the “real world” wear more of a mask daily than I ever did even in the adult industry. I have lived my life truthfully to a fault. My need to document my life (writing/journaling/blogging) has been rooted in the fact that I have been gaslighted by cluster b personality disordered people since before I can remember. Living my truth has required documentation, so I can see my truth tangibly, and not buy into the illusion others continue to try to sell me.
In the adult industry, cluster b personality disordered people are the bread and butter of the daily hustle. These are people who are like children in the sense that they need attention daily. There is no glamour in a person paying to get their basic human needs met. However when you are in the adult industry, you learn quickly to help your largest customers ease the pain and guilt of having to buy their comfort rather than growing up and self soothing. If they matured then you would have to find another regular customer to replace them, that is just simple economics, and more work for not more payoff. “Keep the devil that you know” was a common thought when I catered to my regular strip club customers and sugar daddies. I was their addiction, and as their drug I had the opportunity to put a price on their peace of mind.
The power plays were overwhelming at first, but with time I learned my sanity came down to my ability to set extremely clear boundaries. Also, I learned control over my regulars was found with these boundaries(while using their fear of abandonment and black and white thinking against them). It all came down to my ability to retain my independence, while playing into their fantasies(and it is a slippery slope at times). Most adult industry regular customers do not live in reality. They have started building their own fantasy lands, because reality was not satisfying enough for them. (Unsatisfying enough that they are now purchasing their basic human needs in the adult industry).
My need for reality and financial independence mixed with my ability to play into the fantasies of others was the perfect combination for “success” in the adult industry. The typical “regular” or “sugar daddy” lasts on average 6 months. They cannot keep their mask on even for a shallow relationship where they get to be as dysfunctional as they can pay for. This shines a ton of light on why cluster b personality disordered people cannot be satisfied in a “real” relationship, because they even get bored with their fantasy relationships.
Realty Edge is a real estate firm in Portland, Oregon and now in Las Vegas, Nevada. Tae Roh is one of the owners of this firm. People rarely think to question the personal lives of people who own businesses like this. It is often thought that in order to be successful in business one must have a moral compass of some sort or at least ethics. Well this is probably a naive thought.
Last October when Tae Roh(Tim Roh) and I moved to a home in the Spanish Trail Association in Las Vegas, I started to see completely through the false persona he had been selling me since 2014. After years of his false reality being sold to me as actual reality, I stopped asking so many questions. However there are some things that cannot be hidden forever.
I started seeing Tae Roh in 2014, when he found me on Seeking Arrangement. I was a sugar baby and stripper who was looking for a Sugar Daddy. These relationships are an experience to say the least. Is Michael O’Meara, a partner at Reality Edge, aware of the double life that Tae Roh has been living?
Tae Roh and I entered into a civil union January 1, 2017. What would it be like to have your business partner lie to you? If the owners of Realty Edge cannot be honest with each other, who can they be honest with?
Glass houses seem to be the trend when it comes to Real Estate.
In the adult industry, Cluster B personalities are overwhelmingly common. Customers, entertainers, managers, DJ’s, bouncers, photographers, and so many others are necessary in the equation of the adult industry and none are exempt from having cluster B personality disorders. So how does one survive in the adult industry without becoming personality disordered themselves?… Make money and get out, but have a strategy for dealing with these people.
Narcissists, sociopaths, and other cluster B personality disorders are not like other people biologically(it is not just a mere chemical imbalance). They are without morality, which is the last thing a person is thinking when they are watching a half-naked stripper spin on a pole. Her morality is not going to keep her alive, but her physicality may. The adult industry is much like the military, whom also feeds on cluster B personality disorders due to their lack of morality and the ability to mold them. When you are put in a situation over and over again where your morality will not help your odds for survival, adapting is the only way to overcome.
So, what is the strategy for dealing with cluster B personality disordered people? It is simply knowing their fears and running with them. These people do not know or operate out of love, but rather are fear based biologically. Therefore, their fears rule their worlds.
Stay tuned as I explain how to turn Cluster B personality disorders into job security in the adult industry!
This book is dear to my heart. My magazine columns, journals, and tips on how to survive the adult industry are all included. I hope this book makes a great ripple effect in some peoples lives and careers.
Special thank you to Robert Bryant for being an amazingly patient book editor.
Mitchell Murphy and Heath Stillwell thank you for years of being amazing magazine editors and putting up with my kind of crazy!
The employees at Realty Edge in Clackamas, Oregon still continue to get paid, while I am told to wait for my back monthly allowance for being a stay at home girlfriend, relocating, and not stripping. Funny because I even waited till tax quarter to leave when he would deposit a large sum into our joint account. I can only assume why this was a reoccurring theme four times a year.
Within a couple of days of our restraining order being lifted, I got a phone call from my mother informing me that Tim(aka Tae Roh) visited her and threatened that I may face legal ramifications if I did not remove some of the truths about his business off my blog. Well, unfortunately when you date a writer and underestimate her, you allow yourself to be exposed. For people who chose to lead double lives this is just not kosher.
I thought I was an actress in this whirlwind we call life but I am realizing more and more how the corporate world is more two-faced then a stripper on a Friday night preying on drunk men. Tim(aka Tae Roh) represents all the sugar daddies out there that cannot understand without money they would not be surrounded by half the people around him. Employees may act like friends but that is apart of the corporate show they all put on. Let us be honest with ourselves about who is around and why? And are you messing with an employee who is married, well that is wrong in my adult industry perspective. I can only imagine what “mainstream” people would say or speculate.
So to a business man his work will always come first, because there are no legally binding papers that hold him accountable in a relationship besides marriage or a domestic partnership. Guess I am lucky that I never signed a NDA, but he was never smart enough to ask me to. In the beginning of our relationship I had no clue how controlling and inhumane he would be so I would have gladly signed it. Just as I took his word that he would take care of me financially and I relocated to Portland Oregon and stopped stripping, which took away my largest source of instant income, which was what my monthly allowance was to make up for. Allowance monthly was by design so I would never be stuck with a man for his money. Well now he is trying to keep me stuck in his life by withholding my back allowance and I have to play nice in hopes of him keeping his word. Which so far seems tainted when it comes to relationships and financial security and personal financial independence other than his own.
When you date a younger woman and promise to take care of her financially you need to keep that promise even if she wants to leave because no one should be around another for just money. And why would Tae Roh want a relationship based on the power of witholding money when I was just fine financially before him and spent more money and retained my freedom. Plus, he calls my best career year, the year when I stayed home to learn to be a housewife. How insulting! Women like me have no problem leaving a man in the dust, but she will get what she has earned.