“There are certain queer times and occasions in this strange mixed affair we call life when a man takes his whole universe for a vast practical joke.” ~Herman Melville
Over the past year I have been very quiet about my own life. Being a sugar baby turned spoiled girlfriend in a monogamous relationship in Portland, Oregon was a huge transition. My long time readers know I have never given up my freedom to be with just one man in sugar before, let alone live with him. It always seemed very illogical to let one man have so much control over my life, until my feelings and heart got involved.
This someone got me a dog to keep me company in a city I was alone in besides knowing him. Little did I see that a dog made me stay longer and helped him isolate me. It was like a ploy to try to trap me into being a powerless mother and housewife to a controlling man. Joint bank accounts were involved as well as house work and folding underwear. This was no where near the life that I have been used to, but in the mirage of being sold a fantasy of a partner in life, security, family, and future in southern California. I kept trying in this relationship, so I would never look back with regret.
As of last week, I stopped trying anymore. With every compromise of my freedom I lost a piece of myself only to realize the pieces were so small and common that I almost forgot to stand up for myself and be the strong woman I am at heart. Never let a man intimidate you and always stand up for yourself, because no one else will. There will always be those someones out there that prey on women who allow their control to be taken away.
Take your control back and… Never let a powerful man intimidate you!
This Christmas SDBF and I spent in Palm Springs, California. We took my new puppy on his first airplane ride and vacation. I enjoyed seeing him travel and the lifestyle he will become accustomed to. Much like I will become accustomed to the lifestyle I have chosen. Calming down my lifestyle has been an extremely rough transition. Now my security is greater than just financial, which is different. However, the change is not as easy as some would think. Change is never easy. Even when it is the right thing to do and preparations have been made. There will always be the instances/moments in which the urge to run back to my comfort zone surface. Comfort is relative just as reality is relative.
Happy Holidays and may 2015 be amazing for everyone!
“Grief is perhaps an unknown territory for you. You might feel both helpless and hopeless without a sense of a ‘map’ for the journey. Confusion is the hallmark of a transition. To rebuild both your inner and outer world is a major project.” ~Anne Grant
The transition to being a spoiled girlfriend and having a SDBF(Sugar Daddy-Boyfriend) has included some compromises that entailed my annual cash income becoming a fixed monthly amount. Even before I left Corporate America to enter the adult industry through the doors of a strip club and into the black lights, I worked in jobs that had commission options on top of salary or hourly. So, I have noticed my lack of drive snowballing. No matter how good I look, no matter how well I charm employees at a business event, no matter how much I clean or cook, None of these things will improve my income. Yes, I enjoy picking up the house because I stay in the house, but what is the point of it all. There is no excitement of reaching short term financial goals or even the opportunity. I am taken care of in my daily needs/reasonable wants and bills, but I am not gaining the momentum toward my future as I am accustomed to. Sugar is about preparing for our futures. Yet, I have one foot in the traditional live in relationship. Which is something that is brought up every time I bring up security. It seems like if I want this to work I will have to define a career outside of the adult industry(so I do not have to lie about what I do for a career in public with SDBF). This is the toughest part of my transition out of the strip club. I am learning that people will still assume the worst about any woman who used the objectification of women as a stepping stone to level the playing field of American society.
“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched – they must be felt with the heart.” ~Helen Keller
After a year of transition, I am ready to settle down and enjoy the fruits of my labor. Years of working on writing are finally paying off with opportunities that stripping never offered. Which is an amazing feeling in itself, but still scary and new as well. Also, I find myself taking risks in my personal life more. It pays off in my career to take risks. Therefore, I am learning that it also pays off in my personal life.
This month marks the beginning of something large in my life. A change I did not think I would ever encounter in my lifetime. I am now a spoiled girlfriend with just one relationship/arrangement. A relationship which includes feelings, honesty, and loyalty. This relationship grew past sugar and into what it is now in a very short period of time. However, we communicate and are open about our needs so that we each feel like our relationship is a working partnership. It is nice to feel something in a relationship and actually get to feel it and not have to just brush it off.
Now I understand why corporations downsize. Morale of those elite left behind is shockingly amazing.
“You don’t develop courage by being happy in your relationships everyday. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity.”
Cabo Thanksgiving 2014
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