Over the past year I have been very quiet about my own life. Being a sugar baby turned spoiled girlfriend in a monogamous relationship in Portland, Oregon was a huge transition. My long time readers know I have never given up my freedom to be with just one man in sugar before, let alone live with him. It always seemed very illogical to let one man have so much control over my life, until my feelings and heart got involved.
This someone got me a dog to keep me company in a city I was alone in besides knowing him. Little did I see that a dog made me stay longer and helped him isolate me. It was like a ploy to try to trap me into being a powerless mother and housewife to a controlling man. Joint bank accounts were involved as well as house work and folding underwear. This was no where near the life that I have been used to, but in the mirage of being sold a fantasy of a partner in life, security, family, and future in southern California. I kept trying in this relationship, so I would never look back with regret.
As of last week, I stopped trying anymore. With every compromise of my freedom I lost a piece of myself only to realize the pieces were so small and common that I almost forgot to stand up for myself and be the strong woman I am at heart. Never let a man intimidate you and always stand up for yourself, because no one else will. There will always be those someones out there that prey on women who allow their control to be taken away.
Take your control back and… Never let a powerful man intimidate you!
My life is so very different then when I first started this blog, even so very different from a year ago. Nowadays, I spend my days cleaning, doing laundry, cooking, primping and taking care of a dog. During this recent major transition I have not written much, because I do not want to become one of those this is what I made for dinner or look at my dog’s new sweatshirt or look at what I shopped for online today blogs.
Being a “normal person” is a lot of work. It really is a full time job to take care of a home. I live in a small loft style condo downtown, so a big house in suburbia almost seems like a nightmare. Responsibility is at a new found high in my life. Committing to be with one man and to take care of another living being on top of it was a lot very quickly. However, looking back I cannot imagine not making these changes and commitments.
Evolution comes in different shapes and sizes!
“Knowing your worth is hard…. standing up for yourself is even more difficult!” ~Zi-Fi
After mourning(for almost a month), all the different things I have sacrificed to be a Spoiled girlfriend(sugar and stripping). It all hit me like a ton of bright red bricks. Finally, I came to terms with the fact that I am blessed to get to frivolously indulge in my heart. This is something I gave up for so many years. The thought of giving into emotions seems illogical and uneducated. However, I am learning not all of life is logical. The longer I live the more the basics come into play!
What good is money when you lay in bed alone every night before going to sleep, only to wake up to coldness. Remembering the little daily things that I never had, but dreamed of just may be priceless.
I stopped in Utah last month on my way home from Vegas. A very short trip to see Mr. Utah and meet a sugar baby who lives there. Being social is one of the few things that makes traveling alone easier on the heart and soul. We are all human and humans are not meant to be alone, as a girlfriend in Eugene always reminds me.
Even though it was a very short trip, I learned a lot and had a great time. Mr Utah was busy with work as usual so I rented some happiness with a spa day and a convertible Mustang. When I checked into the hotel and I had my own room, it reinforced the suspicion that I am merely a secret play toy he keeps on retainer for entertainment. Which as a former stripper I am used to.
When you find someone who makes you laugh and smile till your face hurts sometimes it is just easier to remind yourself it is what it is.