Fall nears and I wonder what all will happen during the busy season before year-end. Moving to a different house in Las Vegas this month has been a cramp in my style. Plus, I am experiencing extreme burn out after writing and publishing two books this past year. So, the logical step is to take a step back, relax, and fine tune everything before I go forward.
Oregon bound in a couple of days for some responsibilities. It is like a working vacation mixed with some family. I am excited to eat the amazing food in Oregon. I miss the farm fresh restaurants and how many vegan and gluten-free options they have available.
I wish I had more to update y’all on, but searching for houses has really made me question how some people live? The struggle of first world problems has been extremely intense.
Many people have been asking and assuming my role in the adult industry recently. I attended an awards show this past week and I had to catch people up greatly. So, let me go ahead and clarify for those of you readers who are both old and new!
The past few years have been filled with writing, traveling, and conventions. However, just because I have taken a break from the public eye does not mean I have not been manifesting. I hope you all have been well and I get to meet more of you at upcoming conventions and events!
Where to start?!? So much has been going on lately. Last week were the XRCO awards in Hollywood, California. As always, I learned more about myself than any thing else at this event. The biggest realization is: I like not being in the spotlight anymore. I remember what it was like and I relate it to working in a petting zoo(aka the strip club industry) and being on display. I in no way get paid enough nowadays as a writer to be treated like a piece of meat or zoo animal, that is something I have left in the past.
However, with my career as an ebook author, I am going to have to become more comfortable with having a public presence again. This is a realization I had while I was recovering from my last breast augmentation surgery. My looks will always matter, there is no running from getting judged for how you look. There is only using it to your advantage.
Using my appearance and sexuality to my advantage, rather than having it be a detriment, are things I have not been comfortable with in the past two years. My first set of breast implants were becoming encapsulated with scar tissue thus making me feel and look sick. So for over two years, I did not feel comfortable in my own skin. This was the weirdest feeling ever after working in the adult industry and having to be comfortable in my own skin because often that was all I had on.
Now, six months after my second breast augmentation surgery, I am finally starting to feel like I look normal. This has been the longest process ever. Just figuring out what was wrong took me two years and not listening to many drs and highly educated professionals. Overall a feeling of gratitude is washing over me finally. Last month I did an extremely intense charcoal detox and this month I am reaping the benefits.
Now my readers will understand my obsession with living a healthy lifestyle. Being healthy is not something I learned to value because it comes easy for me, but because I have had to work really hard to get and maintain a healthy lifestyle. My life has changed in many ways because now I live for the big picture.
Thank you to everyone who has purchased and read my last ebook: A Decade On A Pole. Please review the book on Amazon or iTunes
Here I sit in my bed at home in Las Vegas writing on my new laptop. My birthday was last Friday and over the weekend was Exxxotica Denver, so it has been busy to say the least. Plus, I recently got a new rescue dog so leaving home for a work trip was extremely more difficult than normal.
In my daily life, I am ordinary and work from home mostly alone and love it. After years in dark bars surrounded by drunken people who are unpredictable, I enjoy being in a controlled environment. Conventions are the part of my career I push myself to go out of my comfort zone and be surrounded by people again. My nerves are apparent, but I doubt people know why I am nervous. It took me till this past weekend to realize going out of my ordinary controlled environment I have created here in Las Vegas causes me social anxiety. I love to travel and go places for fun, but mix in work and having to talk to people and I turn into a bit of a wreck.
After this realization I felt a bit of relief, but I cannot say I have found a solution. Today has been a day of self-care and loving myself for conquering my comfort zone. Starbucks, laser hair removal, chiropractor, quality time with the dogs, and a trip to the medical marijuana dispensary have all been apart of my day of getting back into my ordinary groove. I love my life at home and have finally created a life I do not feel like I need a vacation from.
This weekend was the adult convention Exxxotica in Colorado. It was an intimate gathering of adult stars, webcam models, press, and fans. For a weekend we invaded Denver to create a tangible adult industry community to remind us all why we do what we do.
People bombard me with their questions about fun at these events and it drives me absolutely insane. I am blessed to have the career I have created after retiring from stripping. However, I also believe work when mixed with passion should be fun/enjoyable. Mainstream society has such a skewed view of the adult industry and the work that goes on to keep the adult world available to the general public. It only makes sense that we like to get together and mingle with others who understand our work lives.
Work is work, but if you are fulfilling your purpose it should be fun(no matter the industry).
“Success is no accident. It is hard work, perseverance, learning, studying, sacrifice and most of all, love of what you are doing or learning to do.” ~Pele