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The Offspring Of Evil-Growing Up Communist

I was raised Russian Orthodox in small town Oregon. With this childhood came mostly communist family members. However, I did not realize I was raised communist until my last trip home to Oregon. My Mother was defending her poor parenting choices while grasping for anything and out came the truth. It was a magical moment that set me free in many ways. Finally, the freedom to admit my mom was my first oppressor merely by the belief system/culture she carried with her. I know this sounds odd, but to someone who has been held down their whole life without logical reason this was like someone taking my blindfold off.

With this realization I was able to rearrange my belief system to make more sense of everything. My Mother was a product of her environment. She is one of ten children to a Russian couple who were raised in orphanages and immigrated to the United States due to WWII. When I was younger she would have these moments of rage where she would lose the human look in her eyes and her soul disconnected from her body as she would yell, scream, and beat me. Now I know this is not just the Russian/Asian culture she was raised in, but it is a mental disorder. In my family, I am the black sheep because I have feelings and heaven forbid I admit to them.

With my psychopathic Mother not being able to be empathetic or sympathetic or show human feelings, I sought out human interaction from my Father who is a covert narcissist. To have found the words and terms to describe the childhood I experienced is like learning a language I already knew.

Now all my interactions are suspect of narcissism and psychopathy.

Xoxo

ZiFi

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