Today, I came to the realization that there are too many open chapters in my life. I spend so much time transitioning between the different worlds I exist in. I end up spending almost all my energy on transition rather than forward momentum.
I need security to leave parts of my world behind as I have known it for almost a decade. It will be a year in April since I have stripped. This is the longest I have gone without stripping since I started and I only rarely miss it. I do miss being on stage and performing, but I in no way miss getting naked on strangers’ laps. Also, I do miss the instant gratification. Rarely, have I found it to exist in the “real world”.
So, here I am stuck in between a rock and a hard spot. I have a writing career, which is my passion. However, I write about my experience in the adult industry and the wisdom I gained along the way of navigating the road less taken. Unfortunately, to be taken seriously in the “real world” I have to do something outside of the adult industry, distance myself from the fantasy and stigmas. This is something I have been fighting with for a couple of months because I know it is logically wrong. However, capitalism and American society is far from logical.
The fact is most people will never understand, let alone appreciate, how hard I have worked to get to this place within the adult industry. I am one of the lucky ones, who got to exit the adult industry by choice and has the opportunity to pursue my dreams/happiness. Part of this happiness is finishing what I started in the adult industry; to give myself a firm foundation to work my way into a more mainstream market/industry.
The next few months I will be working on closing some of the chapters in my life. I need to simplify my life and finish a book or two so I have a product with residual income. This will allow me to leave stripping and the sugar mentality behind. After investing my youth into the adult industry, I need a tangible residual return on this investment before I am ready to completely close this chapter
So time to find a writing place where Zen and my creativity flows. Stay tuned to see where I end up… I am thinking sand and ocean, but maybe it is not a physical place?!? This is the scary question plaguing me. If I submerge myself fully into my zany creative self and allow myself the time alone to write will I succeed or will I drown in the deep end of writing. Only time will tell.
Here I go!
…We all have to make the most of what we are given in this lifetime and give in to the future.